


Marlene Plays Matchmaker

by Daovihi



Series: People are dying and everything's on fire because of a sex toy [4]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Dehydration, Eldritch Abomination, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Matchmaking, Mild Gore, Multi, Party, Protests, Reconciliation, Sensory Overload, Sexual Tension, Valentine's Day, aggressive kazooing, autistic!geralt, autistic!original character, autistic!regis, im just making up these tags as i go along, implied sexual thoughts, mild violence, shirtless geralt, whoops i accidentally angst again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9604418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daovihi/pseuds/Daovihi
Summary: After the events of "The Talk," Regis and Geralt have been avoiding each other. Luckily for them, Marlene is an interfering little shit when she wants someone to be happy. With the help of her Cupid Squad, she will ensure that everyone gets a happy ending, even if said people happens to be a whole bunch of idiots.





	1. Prologue

Marlene. Was. Frustrated. And angry at herself.

 

Until a short while ago, when Regis told her they were not dating and never will, she was sure Geralt and Regis had already gotten together. She had seen the numerous drawings they made of each other. She had seen them cuddling after what was dubbed the Great Scream, that time when Regis screamed so loudly even the Royal Sisters in their palace could hear them and accidentally hurt Geralt. She even caught them sleeping in the same bed after the Gold Stick incident, for crying out loud! But apparantly, despite the romantic tension lingering in the air, the looks they give each other when they think no one's looking, and the touches that last a little too long, they haven't gotten their shit together yet and went on a date. And just when they might have confessed their feelings for each other, Marlene had to swoop in and ruin everything.

 

Marlene's mistake was assuming that they were together too soon and giving them "the talk." Eventually, the topic of the Bathtub Incident came up, and ever since then Regis was paranoid about hurting Geralt. Ever since Regis rejected Geralt's feelings for him before he could even voice them, Geralt and Regis have been putting more effort into avoiding each other even more than they've been putting into avoiding Marlene.

 

"I don't know what to do about it. I reminded Regis of the bathtub incident. Then he frigging broke Geralt's heart because he didn't want to hurt him. I was the cause of that. I created a rift between them."

 

"Yeah, I don't know what to do either. I hate seeing them like this. I want them to be happy, but they're both idiots. I have no clue how to get them to reconciliate." BB and Marlene were hanging out on the rooftop, as was usual for them. Ever since Marlene found BB drunk and sobbing on there, the roof seemed to be their go-to place to relax and chat.

 

Marlene sighed and changed the subject. "What was life like back in your day?"

 

"Well, for one thing, knights were a lot more moral than they are now, but that may be due to my childhood perception of them and my nostalgia."

 

"I remember them always sucking. They ruined my parties several times, especially my Valentines parties."

 

"Valentines parties?" BB inquired.

 

"They're parties that I would hold on Valentines Day. At the time, singles were encouraged to party on Valentines and hopefully find a romantic partner or a good marriage candidate for themselves. Nowadays, singles can't even show their face when it's V-day." Marlene laid back onto the roof, and BB did the same.

 

"Hmmm, now that you mention it, Valentines is coming soon." Muttered BB. "What would you do in these parties?"

 

"Me personally? For some reason, the times I was dating someone and Valentines day never happened at the same time, so I stuck to playing matchmaker on Valentines Day. I would dress up as a half-harpy, get a bow, some rope, and several arrows with suction cups at the end, and before the party I would review my list of guests and decide who would be best for who. Once the party started, I would look to see if two people that I matched together were near each other, then I would tie the rope to two arrows and fire one at each person. I was quite the shot, back in my day."

 

"Really? How good were you?"

 

"I won several master level archery competitions. I would show you the trophies, if they weren't stolen when I was a wight."

 

"Ah, that's a bummer. Did you matchmake outside of Valentines Day?"

 

"Sometimes. I would send two people gifts claiming they were from each other and when I was certain they were interested in each other, I would send both an invite from each other to meet up in a predeternined place at a time that was convenient to both."

 

"How often did people you match together actually get involved with each other?"

 

"Pretty often. I think I had a success rate of seventy to eighty percent. Even if they never got together, they usually became good friends." Suddenly, a candle lit up above Marlene's head, and she shot up from the roof. "That's it! To get Regis and Geralt together, I need to play matchmaker!"

 

BB moved the candle away from her so that she wouldn't catch on fire, then spoke. "They've both been avoiding you. How are you going to get them together?"

 

"That," Marlene paused for dramatic effect. "is where you come in. You're going to be my little helper. You will be my midman between me and the soon-to-be couple."

 

"Do I have a choice in this?"

 

"No."

 

"Fine, I'll help you" BB sighed.

 

"Great! You're willing! This is going to be a lot easier on me, and more fun for you! Now, come with me. I need to teach you the basics of matchmaking… if I can remember them that is."


	2. Introductions and First Steps

 

"Now that you know a thing or two about matchmaking, we will start pushing Geralt and Regis together. First, we need one more person to help us. They have to be sneaky, and good with their hands. And them having magical abilities is going to be a big bonus. Luckily, I have someone in mind with that particular skillset. She's a servant girl that you have already met, but probably don't know. She has a strong personality and nerves of steel, but she doesn't exactly have great social skills. She will be a great asset to our Cupid Squad."

 

""Cupid Squad?" Is that what we're calling ourselves?"

 

"Yep. It's what I called me and my helpers back in my day. Name's based on an old myth. I'll tell you about it when I remember how it went."

 

Marlene guided Barnabas-Basil out of his home into the outdoors. They walked around Corvo Bianco for approximately ten minutes looking for her. They were taking a break in the courtyard, watching people mill about, when BB spoke up.

 

"Who are we looking for? And what does she look like? You never told me."

 

"Oh, silly me, I completely forgot to tell you. Her name's Milly. She has brown hair that curls up naturally into a noblewoman's haircut, that lucky dog, and she has blue eyes and an athletic build, albeit she's a bit on the short side. She has a terrible sense of fashion, however. She tends to wear these horrid male pants with a skirt or a short dress. It hurts my eyes to look at."

 

"You talking shit about me?!" A sudden vocalization from behind made Marlene and BB jump in fright.

 

"M-Milly?! How long were you standing there?"

 

Milly, indeed, fit Marlene's description. She has dark brown hair, a face with pock marks and acne on the cheeks, and she was wearing black men's pants and a dirty red sundress with sleeves that reach the elbows, clearly indicating that she wasn't bothered at all by the heat. She was wearing a hairclip with the femur of a small animal glued to it in her hair to keep it from getting in her face. Being worn by her feet were criminal's boots, named for how they do not give away the wearer's footsteps, making it popular with thieves and ne'er-do-wells.

 

"I was following you two for about five minutes because Marlene had this weird look on her face and I was curious about what you two were up to."

 

Marlene flushed. She knew she probably was making her "Up-To-Something" face, which looked like a combination between her pervy face and the face of someone about to vomit.

 

"Well, as it just so happens, you're the exact person we're looking for." BB enunciated.

 

"Oh no."

 

"Don't worry, we're not planning anything bad. We wanted to ask you something." Marlene reassured her.

 

"Alright, I'll hear you two out."

 

"Good! So tell me, what are your thoughts about Geralt and Regis?" Marlene questioned.

 

"They're nice. I like them."

 

"What about their relationship with each other?" Marlene dug for more information. The thing with Milly is that, unless prompted to continue, she will say as little as possible, which meant that she gave as little information as possible with no elaboration to go with it.

 

"I'm sad that they're avoiding each other. They seem like great friends. I wish I had a best friend." Milly glanced around. There were plenty of people around. People tend to be loud for no reason. She didn't like noise.

 

"Marlene." BB flicked his head, indicating that they should move away so that they could talk in private.

 

The three of them trotted to the rose garden, where no one but them were currently located. Milly seemed to visibly relax.

 

"From a romantic perspective, what do you wish for their relationship to develop into?" BB prompted her to elaborate.

 

Not sensing that this was a situation where it may be favorable for her to lie, Milly answered honestly. "I sort of want them to get together so they can finally screw and get the awkwardness and the tension over with, but at the same time I'm kind of afraid that will happen because they might start fucking like rabbits and I'll walk in on them doing the frick frack. I've heard of their "adventures," and they seem to have the libido for it."

 

"Eh, good enough…" Marlene muttered. "So, do you want Geralt and Regis to reconciliate?" Marlene spoke in a conversational volume.

 

"Yes."

 

Marlene grinned. "Do you want them to love each other romantically?"

 

"Yes… wait, what?"

 

"Are you in luck today. BB and I are working together to get them to admit their romantic feelings for each other, because they already have developed them but aren't acting on them, and we could use someome with your skillset."

 

"But according to my parents I'm bad at picking up social cues."

 

"You let us take care of the talking and the socializing. We need you for your sneaking, your magic, and your dexterity. So, you want in?" Marlene offered her hand out for Milly to shake.

 

"I can't do magic." Milly denied.

 

"Child, I've seen you cast spells when you think no one is looking. You obsessively read any and all books on magic you can get your hands on. You practice casting every night in the fields nearby. Yesterday, you even cast a spell to instantaneously teleport a bucket of boiling water over the head of some guy that groped you. I won't tell anyone about your abilities, if you're concerned about that." Milly was stunned. She thought she was so careful that no one would find out about her talents. Apparantly, she was very wrong.

 

At Milly's silence, Marlene verbally nudged her. "C'mon, matchmaking with us will be fun. It's going to be just like a game. A game in which everyone wins."

 

"…Alright. But if you try to make me do something shady, I'm out."

 

Marlene shook her hand. "Welcome to the Cupid Squad."

 

\----------

 

"What is the plan?" BB whispered to Marlene. The newly-formed Cupid Squad were squatting behind a bush watching Regis sit down on a rock and fiddle around with a statuette of a wolf. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even hear when BB accidentally knocked an inconveniently located bucket over.

 

"I am going to go to Regis' right and hide, while you go to his left and do the same. Milly is going to sneak up behind Regis, sneak this," Marlene held up a piece of cloth that looked suspiciously like it was ripped from one of Geralt's old shirts. "into his pocket and then cast a spell on him so that he constantly thinks about Geralt. If it works, all we need to do is wait for him to apologize to Geralt and ask him out, and maybe nudge him a little in that direction. If she gets caught, we need to distract Regis from her long enough to get away." Marlene suspected that if Regis pressured her enough, Milly would spill the beans on their whole operation and they would be unable to get Regis and Geralt together. She doubted that Milly would do so, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 

"Wait, you want me to mindcontrol him? That's wrong!"

 

"You're not going to mindcontrol him. You're just going to cast a weak illusion spell over his thoughts. You will be influencing him, not controlling him. Do you know how cast a spell like that?"

 

"Yes, but are you sure this will work?" Milly questioned.

 

"There's no certainty in anything, dear, but I'm fairly confident it will work." Marlene patted Milly on the head.

 

"That is… not exactly reassuring." BB hesitated.

 

"Trust me. I know what I'm doing. I have experience in these matters." Marlene reassured him

 

"Ready when you are." Milly asserted. They split up in the formation they agreed upon, but Milly stayed put until BB and Marlene got into position. Once they gave her the thumbs-up, Milly put on a cloth mask to protect her identity in case Regis saw her. She stepped out of her hiding spot in a crouch and she approached Regis surprisingly fast, not making a sound. It was when Milly was two feet away from him that she realized Marlene had forgotten to give her the cloth.

 

Milly silently cursed. She turned towards Marlene, who had also realized her mistake, and sneaked towards her. Marlene gave Milly the cloth when she was close enough to grab it, then Marlene lowered herself down again while Milly made the trip back to Regis. Milly hesitated for a moment, then she opened Regis' bag and slipped the cloth inside. She closed the bag, then took a deep breath and started preparing a spell. Milly's hand started spazzing out. It twitched. It vibrated. She made several gestures with her fingers, then her hand suddenly stopped. Milly brought her hand to the side of Regis' face, almost touching it. Meanwhile, BB and Marlene both grabbed rocks.

 

With her other hand, Milly called upon the Force, drawing it into her body. The rush that accompanied it almost overtook Milly, but she stayed completely still. Slowly, she moved her hand that was near Regis' face around in small circles. Milly pictured Geralt's face in her mind. She pictured Regis unable to stop thinking about Geralt. She curled her fingers, preparing to complete the spell, and she accidentally brushed Regis' face. Regis suddenly turned his face towards the unexpected contact.

 

BB reacted first. He threw a rock at nearby tree, successfully distracting Regis. Milly pulled away from Regis and stood up, breaking the spell. She sprinted away as fast as she possibly could. When Regis turned his head back towards her, Marlene got up and and called out to him.

 

"Regis! Just the man I wanted to see! Settle a bet for me, would you? What kind of rock is this?"

 

\---------------

 

"That was a terrible plan." Milly rubbed her forehead. When she draws from the Force and doesn't use it, she gets migraines.

 

"Hey, it was going great up until Regis noticed you." Marlene defended.

 

"Can higher vampires even be affected by that type of spell?" BB pondered.

 

"What?!" Milly exclaimed, and immediately winced when her migraine was upset by her own voice.

 

"Oh yeah, Regis is a higher vampire." Marlene casually remarked.

 

"But he- how? What?"

 

"Let me read you an excerpt from one of Master Geralt's bestiaries." BB went into Geralt's room, pulled a book from one of the shelves, and walked but into the hall. ""Only a mutual thirst for blood links higher vampires to their distant and much more primitive cousins: ekimmaras, alps, katakans and the like. Higher vampires are, in fact, much more similar to humans than to those bat-like blood slurpers. They not only resemble us in appearance, but also share our intelligence and behavioural patterns. This means they do not squat in distant forest or hide in the shadows. On the contrary, they are particularly fond of cities, where they live out deceivingly normal lives. Even witchers are not capable of recognizing them at once, for their medallions remain perfectly motionless in the presence of higher vampires. Yet all these similarities should not blind us to an essential difference: unlike men, higher vampires are immortal. Those who have faced them in combat and survived can be counted on one hand.""

 

"He was a higher vampire and you didn't think that was worth telling me?!

 

"We assumed you knew. Everyone else here knows." BB answered sheepishly.

 

"Shit, dammit, fuck, why does no one ever bother telling me these things?! Why am I always the last to know these things?! Oh, I wish my parents let me drink!"

 

"Calm down, dear. We're sorry we didn't tell you. We didn't intend to trick you or anything." Marlene told her in a calming, motherly voice.

 

Milly sighed. "I forgive you."

 

"Good! Now can you comprehend the fact that Regis is a vampire?" Marlene asked.

 

"Yes."

 

"Say, Milly, what was all of that twitching and moving you were doing with your hand when you were casting your spell?" BB pondered.

 

"I use a visual form of casting to create spells. Instead of speaking verbally, I use hand gestures to manipulate and form my magic. You see, there are different hand gestures for each word, for example: If I wanted to use an Aard spell, I would move my hand in a semicircle, like this." Milly demonstrated her use of the gesture for Aard, albeit extremely slowly and with her hand facing away. "I also need a visual of my target in order to cast. If I'm casting on a person, I need to have seen their face, whether in person or in drawing. If I want to teleport, I need to have a general idea of the layout that I want to teleport to."

 

"You can instantly teleport yourself, correct? Why didn't you simply teleport away from Regis when he caugth you?" BB questioned Milly.

 

"I have a sort of cooldown on my magic. If I cast a spell, or even attempt to, my body will need time to recover before I can cast again."

 

"Eh, that's fair." BB shrugged.

 

Marlene looked at the bag of sugar conveniently sitting next to her. Suddenly, another candle lit up above her head. "Wait a minute, I just got an idea. It's completely unrelated to what you just said, but I've got an idea."

 

\---------------

 

Part of BB's job is to listen to his master when he needs to vent, offer up advice, and to be a shoulder to cry on when his master needs him to be. That's why he is the perfect person for this plan.

 

"All you have to do is convince Regis to stop being a coward."

 

"That is easier said than done, Marlene." BB adjusted his glasses.

 

"You'll manage. After all, Regis trusts you, moreso than he does me." Marlene patted BB on the shoulder.

 

"I heard about what you did with the dildo and the Talk. I think it's easy for him to trust anyone more than you." Milly stated plainly.

 

"Aah, you know what I mean."

 

"Right, now if you'll excuse me, I need to speak with Regis." BB left the women alone. He walked into the house, and up the stairs to Regis' room, where said vampire was pacing around, his gaze to the floor. BB stood by the doorway and hesitated before speaking. "Regis? May I come in?"

 

"Go ahead." Regis croaked without stopping.

 

BB stepped in. He looked at Regis for a moment, contemplating his words, before he spoke.

 

"Do you wish to talk?" BB tested the waters.

 

"I could have hurt Geralt again, today. If I was running, I could have bruised him. I've already hurt Geralt twice during my stay here. And on top of that, some kid attempted to perform a spell on me."

 

"How did you almost hurt Geralt?" BB inquired. He sat down on one of the small benches to the side.

 

Regis stopped. He turned so that he didn't face BB. "I was walking and I wasn't looking where I was going, so I bumped into Geralt."

 

"That doesn't seem so bad." BB interrupted.

 

"What if I was sprinting? I could have knocked Geralt over, and he could have gotten a concussion from hitting his head. Or I could have been holding a sword. He could have been impaled by my carelessness."

 

_"Are you fucking kidding me?"_ Thought BB. "You didn't hurt Geralt, though."

 

"I could have, and that's what worries me."

 

\----------

 

"Why exactly did we make cookies?" Milly asked as she spread sprinkles over cookies that have icing on them.

 

"Because we're going to give them to Geralt without any sort of indication who or why someone sent them and have him connect it to Regis." Marlene answered as she spead icing over heart-shaped cookies.

 

"How would he connect cookies to Regis? Is there something I'm missing?"

 

"When in love, the heart tends to seek out evidence that their object of affection loves them back. Sometimes, it makes great leaps in logic to do so." Marlene shrugged.

 

"I see." Milly went back to her work.

 

Eventually, Marlene and Milly finished decorating their cookies. They had, together, made two-dozen sugar cookies, all in the shape of a heart. The cookies had special designs made from icing and sprinkles on them that made each one different from the other cookies.

 

"Wow. I'm kind of proud of our work." Milly said in awe.

 

"Our work isn't done yet, Milly. Now we have to package them and put them in Geralt's room."

 

"Can I have one? Pleeease?"

 

"No. These are for Geralt, and Geralt only. Tell you what though, we can make another batch for you to try when we have some spare time."

 

\-----------------

 

"Regis, I assure you. You do not need to leave."

 

"I may have to, for Geralt's sake." Regis sat down on his bed.

 

"You pose no threat to Geralt." BB joined Regis on the bed.

 

"That's like saying a snake poses no threat to a mouse."

 

BB considered his next words carefully. "You may be able to defeat him in a fight, or at the very least give him a few scars, sure, but that doesn't mean you have to stay away from him."

 

Regis looked down at his bare hands, which were cleched into fists. His nails dug into the skin of his palms, almost hard enough to make him bleed.

 

"Look, sir, you can't torture yourself like this. You need to make things up with Geralt, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

 

Regis bled.

 

\---------------

 

"Alright. Package is placed. Now all we have to do is wait."

 

"Now can we make the cookies?" Milly proded.

 

"Of course we can!" Marlene and Milly headed back into the kitchen. "Do we have enough of each ingredient?"

 

"Hmm, lemme check… Yep! Everything's good to go!" Milly smiled and jumped for joy.

 

"That's great! Here, let me get the measuring cups." Marlene reached over and grabbed said measuring cups. "You know, I spent over a month developing this recipe."

 

"Really? Why?"

 

"I had to make sure everything was just right. One wrong ratio, and a whole batch would be ruined."

 

"Oh my."

 

Both women got absorbed into their cooking. When the balls of cookie dough were finally put into the oven, a thought popped into Milly's head.

 

"Marlene?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"When is Geralt going to come back?"

 

"I honestly don't know. He's out on a contract to kill some monsters. Usually, he comes back later in the day, sometimes he takes a few days." Marlene contemplated.

 

"Won't the cookies be stale by then?"

 

"They will if he takes a while. Don't worry, I've got a feeling he will return soon."

 

\--------------

 

Geralt brought the strange package out into the main hall, where he set it down on the table. Marlene watched him as she twirled some spaghetti on her plate. Earlier, she had dismissed Milly to do whatever she wanted to do. (<i> "These cookies are great! Thanks for sharing them with me!" </i>) Milly was probably enjoying her freshly baked sugar cookies with BB, courtesy of Marlene.

 

Geralt opened the package to reveal several cookies in the shape of hearts. Geralt stared dumbfounded for a moment before he plopped down onto the bench.

 

"Hey Geralt?"

 

"Yes?" Geralt looked up from the cookies.

 

"Who do you think it came from?"

 

"Not the person I would have wanted it to be from, that's for sure." Geralt began eating without any sort of vigor.

 

Marlene's jaw clenched.

 

Marlene forced herself to put on a happy expression. "Dearie, maybe this is some form of an apology of sorts from someone you know."

 

"Doubt it." Geralt kept eating. The cookies were bland as hell.

 

Marlene's eye twitched.

 

"Are you even thinking about those cookies besides what you see in front of you?"

 

Just then, Regis opened the door to the house. He saw Geralt sitting at the table.

 

"Hello, Geralt." Regis smiled at Geralt. His smile didn't reach his eyes.

 

"Hello, Regis." Geralt didn't look at Regis.

 

Regis glanced at the cookies. He blinked several times. "Do you have a secret admirer?"

 

"Don't know, don't care. Want a cookie?" Geralt picked up a cookie and offered it to Regis. He still didn't look at him.

 

"No thank you. I don't want to get in the way of your happiness." Regis' voice cracked at the end.

 

Marlene tightened her grip on her fork.

 

Regis rushed upstairs. From the sounds that were made, he climbed into bed and wrapped himself up in the covers. Geralt stopped eating the cookies.

 

"Marlene, could you store these for later?" Geralt put the package of cookies in front of Marlene.

 

"Of course, Geralt." Marlene wasn't sure how she managed to keep her true emotions out of her voice, but she did.

 

Geralt walked away and into his bedroom. He closed the door, preventing Marlene from seeing or hearing what Geralt did. It was okay. She knew what he was feeling anyway.

 

Marlene put down her fork. It was badly bent from where she gripped it.


	3. The Couple that Kills Together Stays Together

"Ugh! That was a complete and utter failure!" Marlene shouted in frustration. "I'm such a frigging idiot!"

 

"Hey, look on the bright side. BB convinced Regis not to leave before he could abandon Geralt." Milly pointed out. She shared Marlene's feelings, but she attempted to stay positive.

 

"Still, it failed. Oh, what do we do?" Marlene rubbed her temples with one hand.

 

"I don't know. You've sort of established yourself as a leader." Milly asserted.

 

"What if we gave them both flowers or something and claimed it was from each other?" BB proposed.

 

"We already did that with Geralt. Guess what? His idiocy kept him from drawing the right conclusion." Marlene groaned.

 

"Then maybe… Maybe we could… force them to work together?" BB hesitantly suggested.

 

"What're you thinking?" Milly asked in curiosity.

 

"I do not know. I was hoping Marlene would come up with something." BB blurted. He was holding something back, and Marlene knew.

 

"Don't be shy. Tell me whatever you're thinking, child. I'm all ears." Marlene encouraged him to speak. She gave a motherly smile and touched BB's back. "Don't worry. We won't judge. Right, Milly?" Marlene looked Milly in the eye.

 

"As long as it doesn't involve any weird fetishes."

 

BB took a deep breath. "Here is what I'm thinking…"

 

\------------

 

"Oh, no! There is an eldritch horror nearby! Whatever shall we do?" Milly yelled monotonously. "There is an eldritch horror roaming around!" She said with more emphasis when Regis didn't respond.

 

"We heard you the first time." Regis quipped. He was making some medicine from scratch, with a few servants assisting him, when some bored teenager decided she wanted to play a prank and cry wolf.

 

"Why did you make me repeat myself, then?" Milly asked.

 

"Because I am busy, and you are obviously lying, so I am ignoring you." Regis snapped. Normally he wouldn't have this short of a temper, but recent events have been stressful on him and he hasn't been given a chance to blow off some steam.

 

"Geralt's fighting it." That was all it took for Regis to drop his tools and look at Milly.

 

"Where is it?" Regis interrogated. He was so concerned for Geralt that he didn't notice the wound on Milly's waist, which was bandadged using a long strip of the same dress she was wearing.

 

"Follow me." Milly led Regis away into the fields, not paying any mind to the curious people following them. Geralt was, indeed, fighting the monster, a chort. He was holding his own against it, but he was apparantly caught off-guard by the sudden appearance of the monster, for he wasn't in his usual armor, but in a shirt that was presumably torn at some point in the fight, and tight leather pants. Barnabas-Basil was off to the side cheering Geralt on and, unbeknownst to Regis, Marlene was carefully watching from the distance with her spyglass, a bow at her side and a quiver full of arrows on her back.

 

Geralt could not continue fighting the way he was. Unprepared for the situation, he would not last long. The lack of armor gave him mobility and speed, but it also left him unprotected. Additionally, he did not appear to have any bombs or potions on him, and his sword was unoiled. His reflexes were slow, and his strikes were not as strong.

 

Regis acted fast. He sped towards Geralt just as the chort attempted to trample him, but he pushed Geralt out of the way with his full body at the last second, pushing him to the ground so that the monster missed them both. They hit the ground, with Regis on top of Geralt. They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, entranced by the love they could see deep inside, then the chort roared, and the spell was broken. Regis got off of Geralt and hacked violently at the chort with his claws, which were now fully extended. Geralt picked himself up and did the same with his sword, casting Quen in the meantime.

 

"Whoo hoo! Go Master Geralt! Go Master Regis! Kick that thing right in the keester for me!" BB cheered while striking a pose. He waved his pom-poms about in the air and whooped.

 

"Go team. You're in it to win it." Milly cheered weakly. Earlier, she had suffered from a cut to her abdomen given to her by the chort. She had managed to stop the bleeding, but she was suffering from blood loss as a result.

 

"Come on, work." Marlene muttered.

 

(blah blah blah fight scene with the chort) Being attacked on two different sides, the chort swung its arm in a wide sweeping motion. Regis jumped out of the way, while Geralt ducked. The chort turned and bit Regis, who stood there and took it to keep the chort distracted.

 

Geralt took this opportunity to climb onto the chort's back and stab it. The beast, howling in pain, stood on its hind legs and attempted to shake Geralt off. Geralt pushed the sword deeper, grabbed onto one of the arrows that was already embedded into it, and held on for dear life. The chort scratched at its back wildly.

 

Regis slashed at the chort's exposed belly, leaving the viscera inside hanging in the open air. The chort fell back, and would have crushed Geralt had Regis not grabbed the chort as it was falling. Geralt freed his sword from the monster and rushed out of he way of the chort. Regis let go once Geralt was safe from death by crushing, and the chort fell to the ground. The chort squeaked, and attempted to get up. It was clearly going to die a long death if no one killed it.

 

With a clean swing of his sword, Geralt cut off its head and held it up high for the small group of curious onlookers that had gathered nearby and loudly declared that the beast was dead. People started clapping their hands and cheering. Geralt, pleased that his show-offery was rewarded, put the trophy down on the ground. He did a quick assessment on himself, and found that he had a cut on his leg and his arm, the pain of which had been dulled by adrenaline. Not quite off his adrenaline high yet, Geralt turned to Regis.

 

"Don't suppose you have any…" Geralt cut himself off when he saw that Regis whipped his emergency surgery kit out. "I appreciate your concern, but I don't need that much for my wounds. They're not that deep."

 

"I don't care that they're not deep. You need stitches." Regis protested.

 

Figuring that Regis wouldn't stop bothering him until he let him help, Geralt sat down. Regis stepped towards him, behind him, and crouched down and ripped off his ruined shirt. Nothing happened for a few moments.

 

"What are you- ow, fuck, I did not notice that wound." Geralt hissed when Regis pressed gauze into his back, which had apparantly sustained an injury he hadn't noticed. When his back stopped bleeding, Regis tenderly touched Geralt's shoulder and got up. He stepped in front of Geralt and crouched down again. He first lifted Geralt's leg onto his raised knee. Not letting his eyes wander, Regis examined the wound and procured a fresh patch of gauze. Regis pressed it onto the wound.

 

"Regis?"

 

"Yes, Geralt?"

 

"We need to talk." Geralt's tone left no room for argument.

 

Regis suddenly found that his mouth was dry. "Is something wrong?"

 

"Yes. You have been avoiding me." Geralt stated.

 

"I do not wish to hurt you. You are dear to me." Regis repeated his work with Geralt's arm.

 

"I… I don't want you to stay away from me. I'm not made of glass. I won't break if you stand in the same room as me." Geralt confided. "Please. Stop avoiding me. It hurts me." Regis let his gaze move up Geralt's arm, up his biceps and shoulder, up to Geralt's eyes. He loved gazing into Geralt's eyes.

 

"I see. By avoiding you, I thought I was protecting you, but I've just been hurting you on the inside. I will spend more time with you for now on." Geralt smiled at Regis when he said that. Regis smiled back at him, not bothering to hide his fangs. Regis let go of Geralt's arm, his fingers brushing against his hand. They hugged, Regis carefully avoiding the injury on Geralt's back. He adjusted his grip on Geralt, then stood up, picking up Geralt bridal style.

 

"What are you doing?" Geralt exclaimed.

 

"I am taking you inside to stitch you up. I need to heat up a needle to do so. Besides, it won't do to have a bunch of ONLOOKERS GAWK at you while I do a PROCEDURE on you." Regis raised his volume to emphasize certain words to the crowd. Immediately, they dispersed, letting Regis pass through with Geralt in his arms.

 

\-----------

 

"YES! It worked! It worked even better than I thought it would! WOO!" The sound of an old woman screeching was what woke Milly up.

 

"Ugh… not so early, damn it…" Milly tried to sit up, but doing so brought pain to her waist. Someone pushed her down.

 

"Don't get up. You're wounded. You shouldn't have walked around in your state." BB nagged. He was redressing Milly's wound, more effectively and efficiently than Milly did.

 

"The fuck happened?" Milly swore.

 

"We wanted Geralt and Regis to be forced into a situation where they have to work together, so you somehow managed to summon a chort, and you even managed to keep it under control for a short time while I lured Master Geralt to the monster, but your magic failed you. You lost control, and the chort attacked you, wounding you."

 

"That explains my belly." Milly interrupted.

 

"Marlene shot the chort a few times before Master Geralt and I made it back. When we did, I stopped your bleeding and stabilized you while Geralt fought the monster. I turned my back to you in order to distract the monster, and when I looked back, you were gone, so I kept distracting the monster. I guess you warned Regis about the monster, because later Regis started fighting it. After the fight, I found you unconscious. You had attempted to dress your wound yourself. According to Marlene over there, our plan worked like a charm, and Regis reconciliated with Geralt while I tended to you."

 

"Were we intoxicated? I feel like this is something no sober person would do."

 

"Let me tell you, Mills, I'm high on victory! I feel like I can do anything! I'm unstoppable!" Marlene gushed. "We need to celebrate our first success as the Cupid Squad! Come with me, helpers!"

 

"We can't, I'm attending to Milly." BB pointed out.

 

"Alright, you finish medic-ing or whatever you did when you were in the militia. If I can't bring you to the reward, then I will bring the reward to you!" With that, Marlene rushed off, presumably to obtain wine and/or homemade pastries.

 

"Did it actually work? As in, long-term work?"

 

"We will have to wait and see." BB answered.


	4. Cuddles, Cuddles, and More Cuddles

 

"Stop squirming! I can't stitch you up like this!" Regis was attempting to hold a very giggly Geralt down on his bed.

 

"I wanna cuddle!" Geralt laughed.

 

"We can cuddle when your wounds are fixed up, and I can't work on them if you don't. Hold. Still." Regis separately grabbed onto Geralt's wrists with both his hands. He attempted to push them together, but Geralt refused to let him.

 

"I'm not hurt! I'm as fiddle as a fit!" Geralt slurred.

 

"I see giving you a hallucinogen as an anesthetic was a bad idea." Regis sighed. He gave up on restraining Geralt with his body and attempted to get off the bed so he could rummage through Geralt's chest. Geralt, however, was having none of that and held onto Regis octopus-style to keep him from leaving. "Let go of me. I need to get up."

 

"Nooooooo…"

 

Regis pried Geralt off of him and quickly stepped away from the bed. He walked around it to the chest, keeping away from the bed.

 

"Regis? Where are youuuu?" Geralt whimpered once Regis was not in his direct line of sight.

 

"I'm right here. I haven't left you. I just need to get something out of your chest." Regis reminded Geralt. He opened the chest, crouched down, and began his long and epic quest to find what he needed. "Now where are the ropes? I know Geralt has some around here, he keeps a lot of junk around." Regis muttered.

 

"Reeeeegis?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Hold my hand. Please." Geralt croaked. Regis reluctantly surrendered his hand to Geralt, who squeezed it and pulled it closer to himself. "You're so warm…" Geralt dreamily sighed. He turned his head and gazed at Regis with loving eyes. He loved just looking at him.

 

With his free hand, Regis kept searching, albeit more slowly, and eventually found four thin, short-ish ropes, perfect for the current situation.

 

"Geralt. Are you ready to cooperate with me now?" Regis firmly asked, standing up and holding the ropes in one hand.

 

"Ooooh, you're going to tie me up?" Geralt moaned. "Go right ahead." Geralt let go of Regis' hand and laid flat on his back, his hands positioned so that they could be tied up easily.

 

"The one time you cooperate it's because of…" Regis sighed. "Flip over for me. I need to see to your back."

 

Geralt obeyed. Regis tied the ropes around Geralt's wrists and ankles so that he couldn't move them. Regis had taken Geralt's clothes off earlier, leaving him in his underwear, so that he could tend to Geralt easier. Regis walked away to retrieve his needle and thread, the former of which was being heated by a bunsen burner. Until Regis pushed it off, the nighttable was hosting the Gold Stick of Joy, the implications of which Regis did not want to think about. He plucked the needle from the flame, threaded it, and then approached Geralt.

 

"Tell me if this hurts." Regis straddled Geralt's lower back in order to stitch towards himself, which he found easier to do than stitching from the side, and started sewing up Geralt's back. Geralt did not make a sound, but he started breathing deeper. He felt warm and safe in Regis' care, despite the bondage. He felt as though if any bad happened, Regis would be there to protect him.

 

"Regis?"

 

"Does it hurt?"

 

"No. I love you." Geralt confessed.

 

Regis was taken aback. He recovered quickly, reminding himself that Geralt would never even think such a thing while sober. "You're high."

 

"So? I love you." Geralt insisted.

 

Regis did not respond. There was no way Geralt felt the same way as he did for Geralt. After all, Geralt was one of the straightest people he has ever met. Regis tied the thread in Geralt's back and switched to Geralt's arm.

 

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Geralt whimpered.

 

"Because you wouldn't be saying that if you were sober. You're straight. As straight as a ruler."

 

"You do realize I had sex with a male dragon once, right?" Geralt divulged.

 

"I bet you did, Geralt. I bet you did." Regis scoffed.

 

"I really did! His name is B-"

 

"You can tell me all about it when you come down from your high." Regis moved so that he was sitting in between Geralt's legs, then he untied Geralt's injured leg, put it on his lap, and started stitching.

 

"Reeeeegiiiisss?"

 

"What now, Geralt?"

 

"When you're done, can we cuddle?"

 

Regis' words left his mouth before he could stop them. "Of course we can."

 

\-----------

 

"To the Cupid Squad's first success." Marlene held up her wineglass in a toast.

 

"To the soon-to-be couple." BB raised his glass, also filled with wine, to Marlene's glass.

 

"To not getting ourselves killed." Milly held up a sippy cup full of apple juice to the adult drinks.

 

They clinked their glasses together and drank. They were sitting side by side on the chort that was killed earlier, having a picnic together. An open picnic basket, a partially full wine bottle, and a small cask of apple juice were by their feet. Milly was being supported by BB, due to her wound. It was a shallow cut, considering what the chort could have done to her, but it was enough to incapacitate her for the time being. If she could heal herself, she would, but she didn't know healing magic.

 

"So... What now?" BB pondered.

 

"We will wait a few days and see where Geralt and Regis take their relationship. If they get together, then our job is done for now. If not, then we will have to think of something." Marlene bent over and grabbed some croissants from the basket, handing them to her helpers.

 

"Thank you. So, about the Valentines parties you told me about…" BB inquired, politely waiting until he finished his sentence to take a bite out of his croissant.

 

"Huh?" Milly grunted through a mouthful of croissant.

 

"Parties held on Valentines Day for single people wanting a romantic or marriage partner. Anyway, continue BB."

 

BB finished chewing and swallowed. "Tell me more about how they would be celebrated."

 

"Well, children, in a Valentines party, and pay attention Milly, it would start out like a normal party, but with a romance theme to it, and alcoholic beverages were prohibited. After all guests arrive, or the party was halfway through, whichever came first, a few people in costume would carry around bows and arrows with suction cups on the end and they would start firing arrows tied together at guests that were matched together beforehand, usually by the host. At this time, alcohol would start being served by the sometimes literal bucketload. After all guests have been matched together, there would be a beautiful fireworks show and then all servants would be dismissed for the rest of the night."

 

"That sounds like a lot of fun, but I don't like parties." Milly commented. "Can I have a cookie?"

 

Marlene retrieved an oatmeal raisin cookie from the basket and handed it to Milly. "Don't worry, sweetie. I highly doubt there's going to be a party anytime soon. Geralt and Regis are both introverts."

 

"I would like to attend a Valentines party. They sound like they could be entertaining, at the very least." BB commented.

 

"Oh ho ho ho, they are. Just ask any couple that was successfully matched together." Marlene's face slid into it's signature pervy look. Both BB and Milly looked at her, not realizing what she was getting at. "Nevermind." Marlene grumbled.

 

The Cupid Squad continued eating their lunch. They chatted about various light topics, such as pancakes, types of birds native to Touissant, and death. There was a lull in the conversation when BB spotted the door to the Master House open. A gray blob walked out of it.

 

"Look, over there! I think Regis is coming out of the house!" BB exclaimed.

 

Marlene quickly pulled out her spyglass. She held it to her eye, and Regis was indeed walking out of the house, but there was another sight to behold.

 

"Regis is carrying Geralt in his arms, and he's wearing Regis' coat." Marlene chuckled.

 

"Let me see." Marlene handed the spyglass to BB. He took off his glasses to use the spyglass. BB's jaw dropped. He gave the spyglass to Milly.

 

"Aww, Regis' coat looks too big on Geralt. That's adorable." Milly commented. "Wait, I think they're coming towards us."

 

"Oh shit!" Marlene fumbled around, extracting the arrows she had shot into the chort earlier and putting them where she was sitting previously. She yanked the spyglass out of Milly's hand, put it back in her pouch, and sat back down on the chort. That proved to be a fatal mistake. "AAAHH! FUCK! OH LEBIODA! FUCK!"

 

In a blind panic, Marlene dashed off, revealing that all of the arrows she had gathered were stuck in her buttocks. She ran around in circles, her hands touching the parts of her butt that didn't have sharp objects sticking out of them. "SHIT! DAMMIT! FUCK! SOMEONE GET THESE ARROWS OUT!"

 

By then Regis was already out onto the fields. When he saw Marlene, he strolled towards Marlene. Regis smirked.

 

"Well well, you seem to have something lodged in your behind." Regis observed.

 

"I KNOW! GET THEM OUT!" Marlene ran over to Regis.

 

"This situation seems, mm, oddly familiar. I'm getting a sense of deja vu from this."

 

"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE HELP ME!"

 

"What are you sorry for? You've done nothing wrong."

 

"I'M SORRY I STOLE YOUR CLOTHES AND LAUGHED AT YOU IN THE BATHTUB INCIDENT! PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE GET THESE ARROWS OUT OF MY ASS!" Marlene begged Regis, tears running down her cheeks.

 

"Alright, alright. Hold still." Regis conceded. He gently put Geralt down onto the ground, walked up to Marlene's turned back, and pulled the arrows out one by one.

 

"Ooowww…" Groaned Marlene when Regis was done.

 

"Now, to avoid this in the future, you should stop sitting on deadly, razor sharp arrows. Especially your own." Regis instructed her.

 

Marlene froze. How did Regis know they were hers? Has he figured out what the Cupid Squad did? Does he blame them for Geralt getting hurt? Will he drain the blood from their bodies? Are they all going to disappear without a trace?

 

"I don't know why you decided to pull arrows from your quiver and sit on them, but it was a terrible idea. If these arrowheads were any softer, they would have broken and gotten stuck inside you."

 

Marlene breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, child." She really did not want to deal with an angry vampire.

 

"You need to spread this," Regis took some disinfectant from his purse and handed it to Marlene. "over the wounds. I am not going to make it seem like you have no choice but to let me spread it for you. I know humans don't exactly like others touching their "private parts." Though I do recommend getting someone to help you. Now, if you don't need any more help from me, I will be tending to Geralt." Regis left Marlene to her own devices and picked Geralt back up.

 

Regis had earlier given Geralt anesthesia to stitch his wounds, and now that he's done he's trying to get Geralt to recover faster by taking him for a walk outdoors. And if he wraps him in his coat and holds him and cuddles with him, that's to facilitate faster recovery. There is no way that Regis is hugging him because he wants to touch Geralt.

 

Regis spotted BB and the teen from yesterday sitting on the chort, having lunch. He walked up to them and struck up a conversation.

 

"Hey, how are you two?"

 

"Good. We're having a picnic." Milly replied.

 

"Yes, we are. We are eating on the chort that we totally didn't summon using the dark magics and algebra textbooks." BB lied.

 

"We didn't." Milly untruthfully confirmed.

 

Regis tilted to the side to take a look at Milly. "Are you hurt?"

 

"I was, but BB fixed me up."

 

Geralt muttered something, and Regis held his ear to Geralt's mouth. Regis nodded. BB was visibly sweating, and Marlene was nervously watching the exchange. Only Milly seemed to be keeping calm.

 

"Well, Geralt seems to want to go to the flower gardens, so we will be heading there if you need us. Good day to all of you." Regis adjusted his grip on Geralt and headed away.

 

When Regis was just out of earshot, the Cupid Squad became chatty.

 

"Phew. I thought for sure Regis would have found out." BB said.

 

"Why did you bring up the summoning thing, Barnabas?" Marlene shouted.

 

"Guys, don't worry. If he doesn't ever find out I summoned the chort that got Geralt hurt, then we have nothing to fear." Milly calmly explained. "After all, if we keep quiet about this whole affair, Regis won't find out. Look, he doesn't suspect… a… thing." All three looked to Regis, who suddenly stopped. He put Geralt down and made sure he was warmly wrapped up, then he slowly turned towards the group. He stalked over towards them with murderous intention.

 

"Hey, um, guys, quick question: do higher vampires have good hearing?" Milly asked. No one answered her, for they all realized the answer too late.

 

"RUN." All three shouted at once. BB picked Milly up over his shoulder, while Marlene got out her emergency kazoo. Both started running for dear life. Regis chased BB. Marlene played Yakety Sax on her kazoo.

 

"Damn it! I hate Yakety Sax!" Regis shouted. He switched his target to Marlene. Marlene's kazooing intensifies as she started screaming into her instrument.

 

"I'm too old for this shit!" Is what Marlene tries to say. However, it comes out as garbled kazoo sounds.

 

Milly teleports BB's pom-poms onto Regis' head. Regis looked around, confused. This bought Marlene some time to get away. Marlene sprinted away, aggressively kazooing. Regis recovered and caught up to Marlene.

 

Regis tackled Marlene to the ground, and surprisingly she didn't break any bones. As her last resort, Marlene tooted the highest toot she could possibly toot on her tooty kazoo. The sound could be heard for several feet around her.

 

Regis clamped his hands over his ears. He spoke in gibberish. The sound had hurt badly. Every sound made hurt him. Marlene wriggled her way free. She took the kazoo out of her mouth, and was about to leave when she heard a whimper.

 

"Don't look at him. Don't look. Do not turn around." Marlene turned around and looked at Regis. He had a truly pained expression on his face. Tears were leaking out of his eyelids, which were clenched shut. Regis pulled on his hair and rocked back and forth. "Oh, sweet child." She rushed back to him and held him loosely, letting him move about.

 

BB and Milly cautiously approached, having heard Marlene's loud and high kazoo note. "Oh no, he's going through a sensory overload!" Milly exclaimed. She made BB put her down, then she walked with some difficulty towards Regis. BB speedwalked away, saying that he'll be back. Guessing correctly that Regis' overload was caused by Marlene's kazoo, Milly stayed quiet and massaged Regis' back. She had no idea how to de-overload Regis, since no one had ever attempted to help her whenever she went through one of her sensory overloads. She just knew what not to do.

 

BB came back with Geralt in tow. Geralt had one arm slinged over BB's shoulders, the other hanging limply. Regis' jacket was tied around Geralt's shoulders. BB transported Geralt to Regis, and then let him down. Geralt untied the jacket and wrapped it around Regis and himself so that they were sharing one jacket.

 

"Squishy squishy squishy. You need squishy. Vesemir gave me squishy when this happened. Where is a squishy?" Geralt slurred.

 

"How about Regis' pockets? Is there a "squishy" in there?" BB suggested. Geralt checked the pockets of the jacket and found nothing.

 

"How about press? Does Regis like presses?" Geralt hugged Regis in a way that allowed him to move about, while maintaining plenty of pressure. It immediately calmed Regis down.

 

"Well guys, looks like Geralt's got this covered. Let's leave them alone for a while." Marlene whispered to her Squad. They got up and left the boys to hug out the overload. The situation reminded Marlene of earlier.

 

\-----------

 

_Marlene searched for the cup Milly told her about in Geralt's house. Earlier, she had told Marlene that due to her tendency to lean her cups too far back and spill her drinks, she used a special cup that prevents spills. Her parents did not want her to use this cup, as they believed that if she kept using ordinary cups she would miraculously wake up one day with the ability to drink from them properly, so they hid her cup somewhere. Marlene saw them enter the building earlier, so she was searching in there. It was as good a lead as any._

 

_"Where the fuck is that damned cup?" Marlene muttered. She had looked for the cup in all of the hiding spots she knew of except for in Geralt's room, where Regis was operating on Geralt. Marlene had everything she needed for the celebratory picnic in her basket except for Milly's fucking cup._

 

_Not wanting to take too long looking, Marlene slowly opened the door to Geralt's room. She was about to ask Regis if he had seen Milly's cup when she stumbled upon the cutest sight she had ever seen._

 

_Regis was in Geralt's bed, holding onto Geralt while sleeping. Geralt was on top of him, his face partially obscured by Regis' neck. Regis stroked Geralt's back in his sleep. Both men were smiling._

 

_Marlene quietly chuckled, then closed the door so her idiot children could have some privacy._

 

\------------

 

After some time, Regis opened his eyes. He first felt someone hugging him, then he smelled blood and alchemical ingredients, then he saw a shock of white hair.

 

"Geralt?" Regis called out.

 

"Mm-hmm?"

 

"Why are you here?"

 

"You needed me, so I came."

 

"Why?" Regis questioned.

 

"Because." Geralt stated with no further elaboration.

 

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

 

"I am."

 

A glance at the situation would prove Geralt right. "Guess I can't argue with that." Regis laid back and shifted around to get comfortable. Geralt mimicked him and rewrapped his arms around Regis.

 

"How do you feel?" Geralt asked.

 

"A lot better, now that you're here." Regis smiled at Geralt. Geralt giggled, not quite off his high.

 

"I want to stay right here with you forever."


	5. Protests

With the way Geralt and Regis have been acting towards each other you'd think they had finally confessed their love for each other, but this was not the case. They were still brotastically bros for each other. There was absolutely no homo between them. Regis adjusting Geralt's clothing so that he always looked sharp? No homo. The various times Geralt simply walked up to Regis and started cuddling with him? No homo. The way Regis would pick Geralt up bridal style so that he wouldn't even have to step in the tiniest puddle? Definately no homo. Basically, it was no homo all over the place and the Cupid Squad was sick of it.

 

"Why do they keep doing this shit? It's obviously "yes homo" no matter what they do. They're clearly gay for each other!" BB sighed in frustration.

 

"I was like them, once. They both think there's no way that they both feel the same way for each other, so they say "no homo" in order to convince themselves that they don't have any romantic feelings." Milly shrugged.

 

"It's still pretty frustrating. Aside from their newfound phsical affection for each other, we're basically back to square one." Marlene was pacing around, trying to come up with a plan.

 

"Marlene. Didn't you say that in Valentines parties people would be matched up with each other?" BB inquired, having had an idea.

 

Marlene's face lit up. "Holy shit! We could host a Valentines party and match them up! You're a genius!" Marlene hugged BB.

 

Milly felt as though she missed something. "Huh?"

 

"Didn't you pay attention while I was talking about Valentines parties? If we can get Geralt to agree to host a Valentines party here, we can match him up with Regis so that he would get his shit together and confess his feelings for Regis and then they would get together." Marlene excitedly explained.

 

Milly sighed. "I guess we're going to be a big part of the party?"

 

"Yes, but you don't have to talk to anyone. I already have a plan in mind for the three of us, individually and as the Cupid Squad."

 

\----------------

 

"No. I will not host any parties."

 

"B-but I believe it will be good for you to try something new!" BB sputtered.

 

"Already been to a few parties. Hated all of them." Geralt did not look up from his shirt, which he was repairing.

 

"This type is different! It's a-"

 

"Valentines party. You told me. Not. Interested. End of story." Geralt went back to stitching up his shirt, effectively ending the discussion.

 

BB dismissed himself and left the room. He ran into Regis, who had a letter in his hand.

 

"Master Regis. Have you heard of Valentines parties?" BB somewhat desperately asked.

 

"Yes, in fact I went to quite a few in my youth. They were quite entertaining."

 

"Good, I don't have to explain them then. Would you be opposed to holding one?"

 

"As long as Geralt isn't."

 

"Oh… I asked Geralt earlier and he refused. I was hoping you could help me convince him to." BB made puppy-dog eyes at Regis. The effect was ruined by his sunglasses.

 

"Then no." Regis refused.

 

"W-what?!"

 

"I will not impose something on him he doesn't want. If he doesn't wish for a party, then there will be no party." Regis left BB to deliver the letter. He entered Geralt's room.

 

"Hey, Regis." Geralt looked up from his work.

 

"Good morning. Oh, your patchwork is terrible. Here, let me sew it up. I'll trade you that for this letter." Regis held out the letter. Geralt took it and handed him the shirt. Regis undid the stitches while Geralt read the letter.

 

"Huh. It's from Dandelion. Apparantly he broke up with Priscilla." Geralt grunted.

 

"Does it say why?" Regis inquired. He began restitching the shirt.

 

Geralt glanced over the rest of the letter. "Nope. Just says that he's coming to visit and that he'll be here by Valentine's Day."

 

"I haven't seen him since I got burned alive. I wonder how he'll react to seeing me alive." Regis chuckled at the thought.

 

"He would probably freak out, then want to hug you for an awkwardly long time, then he'd write a ballad about it. That's what he did when he found out I was back from the dead." Geralt put down his letter the same time Regis tied the thread into a knot, finishing his work.

 

"I wonder how it would go. "Regis got wrecked by some prick - then he came back- and stabbed him in the doohickey."" Regis sang.

 

"You have no musical talent." Geralt lightheartedly mocked.

 

"Hey, I was quite the singer back in my day." Regis joked. He then heard a strange noise and perked his ears. "Do you hear that?"

 

"Hear what?" Geralt focused his hearing. He noticed that there was loud chanting. It sounded like it was coming from just outside the house. "What the fuck?"

 

"Shall we investigate it?" Regis suggested. Geralt got up and went outside the house, with Regis behind him, and he saw something shocking.

 

BB was leading a protest against them. Almost all the servants on Corvo Bianco were standing outside Geralt's house protesting.

 

"WHAT DO WE WANT?" BB shouted into a cone.

 

"A VALENTINES PARTY!" The crowd shouted back.

 

"A BAGEL!" Milly responded as she dragged a large table behind her.

 

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?" BB screamed.

 

"VALENTINE'S DAY!"

 

"BB? What on Earth are you doing?" Geralt said.

 

"C'MON GUYS! TELL HIM WHAT WE WANT!" BB instructed the crowd. The crowd shouted something unintelligible at Geralt.

 

"Regis, did you catch that?" When Regis shook his head, Geralt asked the crowd to repeat what it just said.

 

"WE WANT A VALENTINES PARTY. ALL OF US. AND WE AREN'T LEAVING UNTIL YOU AGREE TO HOLD ONE!" BB roared. The crowd cheered at his declaration.

 

"How did you even get this protest together? You left ten minutes ago." Geralt asked.

 

"THROUGH THE FORCE OF MY OWN WILL!" BB told him. He had actually organized this protest preemptively by convincing people a Valentines party was a good idea and having them wait nearby. "ANYWAY, WE AREN'T BUDGING FROM THIS SPOT UNTIL YOU AGREE TO HOLD A VALENTINES PARTY! WE WON'T LET ANYONE OUT! WE WILL MILDLY INCONVENIENCE YOU TO THE BREAKING POINT! WE WILL **NEVERRRR SURRENDERRRR!!!"** The crowd cheered again. Milly put her fist in the air and carried some paper hearts to a location only she knew.

 

"Damn, if I had known you were like this…" Geralt shook his head. "C'mon Regis. Let's get inside."

 

\------------

 

"How long has it been?" Regis asked.

 

Geralt extended his legs straight out from a butterfly stretch. "I don't know, two hours, maybe?" He leaned forward and touched his toes with his fingers.

 

Regis put the book he was reading down. "I can still hear those people protesting." He sighed.

 

"What are you reading?" Geralt changed the subject.

 

"A collection of short stories about dragons. It's not very good."

 

"Have you read the books Marlene gave you?"

 

Regis looked at Geralt and burst out laughing.

 

"What's so funny?" Geralt sat up and asked.

 

"Have you heard of the Moribundia series?"

 

It took Geralt a few seconds to understand what Regis was getting at. He started laughing with Regis. "She-she gave you-"

 

"Yes, ahahaha, she did." They laughed together for a few minutes.

 

"Did you read them?" Geralt asked once he recovered.

 

"Yes. It was absolute garbage. The author got so many things wrong about vampires, the plot was convoluted and full of plot holes, the main character was a Mary-Sue, and the sex scenes were the most awkward ones I have ever read. But I loved it."

 

"I read the first book. I know what you're talking about."

 

"At first, I found it hilariously bad, but then it became just plain creepy when Edward stated stalking Isabella."

 

"But you couldn't stop reading it." Geralt finished for him. Geralt went back to his stretches.

 

"No, I couldn't. If you want, I can lend you the other two books."

 

"Okay." Geralt got up. "Regis, I'm going to try to do a split. I haven't done this since I was a young man, so watch me in case I dislocate something."

 

"Alright, Geralt. If you're so nervous I'll spot you." Regis walked behind Geralt and held his arms underneath Geralt's. "Ready when you are."

 

Geralt slowly spread his legs apart to the sides, lowering himself to the floor. Regis lowered his hands with him. About halfway through the split, Regis unconsciously put his hands on Geralt's waist. Geralt, with a grunt, successfully put his pelvis to the floor.

 

"Holy fuck, I've still got it." Geralt panted.

 

"Does anything hurt?" Regis said. He stared down at Geralt's backside.

 

"Just what usually comes with a good stretch. Don't worry." Geralt reassured Regis. Geralt wriggled his legs. "Could you help me get up?"

 

Regis hugged Geralt tightly and stood up. Once Geralt was fully upright, he let go of him. Geralt massaged his inner thighs.

 

"Thanks."

 

"It's what… friends… do."

 

\------------

 

"Is it midday? It's getting hot in here."

 

"I believe it is." Regis opened the door outside to check. Sure enough, the sun was at its apex, and the protesters were still standing around chanting. Regis closed the door. "Yes, it is."

 

"Exactly how hot does Touissant get this time of year?" Geralt tugged at the collar of his shirt. He was sweating a little.

 

"Approximately one-hundred degrees farenheit outdoors. However, it tends to get into the negatives in the winter, so the houses are designed to trap heat inside." Regis explained.

 

"Why did they do that? That makes it too fucking hot when you're indoors in the summer." Geralt whined.

 

"Most of the time, people spend summer outdoors because they won't freeze to death. However, as long as the people are protesting, we are stuck in here."

 

"Ah, fuck." Without warning, Geralt peeled off his shirt, revealing his well-toned chest, abs, and arms. His muscles glistened with sweat, and rippled with every movement Geralt made. A light dusting of hair starting just below the collarbone and extending down below his belly button covered Geralt's pecs and accentuated the curves in his muscles created by years and years of training and witcher work. The same things that formed his body also gave Geralt an insane amount of scars all over his body. Geralt stretched his back, inadvertently showing off his body.

 

"Geralt, maybe we cooooouuuuuuulllllllllllddddddd…" Regis trailed off when he realized Geralt was shirtless. All of a sudden, Regis felt the extreme heat as badly as a regular human would. He started drooling a little.

 

Geralt waited for Regis to finish his sentence. "We could…?"

 

Regis did not continue. He stared at Geralt's hard muscles. He wanted to run his hands down them and kiss Geralt's neck and make Geralt moan as he-

 

"FUCK NEVERMIND." Regis cut his thoughts off right there and sprinted up the stairs to his room.

 

"What." Geralt was understandably confused by Regis' sudden change in behavior.

 

\------------

 

Geralt and Regis were playing cards while they waited for dinner to cook, and the protesters were still protesting outside, albeit very weakly. Geralt had put his shirt back on now that it wasn't absolutely sweltering.

 

"Got any aces?"

 

"Go fish." 

 

Geralt took a card from the stack of cards. "Regis?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"When the potatoes are done, do you want to invite BB inside for dinner? He didn't eat breakfast, and I don't know if he ate lunch."

 

Regis shrugged. "Alright. I doubt he will accept the invitation, though. Got any threes?"

 

"Go fish. I still can't believe he's going through all this trouble. I mean, it's a damn party."

 

"Humans never made much sense to me. He must have a good reason for doing so."

 

"Maybe Marlene put him up to it. They're best friends, after all. Any twos?" Geralt suggested.

 

"Go fish. Why would she want a Valentines party?" Regis questioned.

 

"Maybe she misses the good old days. Got any tens?"

 

"It's not your turn yet. I think Marlene is up to something. Got any tens?"

 

"Fuck you." Geralt spat as he handed Regis his two tens. Regis put them, along with his own tens, face up on the table. "Anyway, you're probably just paranoid."

 

"Maybe I am, Geralt. Maybe I am." That moment, the enchanted hourglass that Marlene used to time the cooking of food decided that the potatoes were done baking and screeched. "Ooh, it's done!" Regis exclaimed. He put his cards on the table face-down and carted off into the kitchen. He opened the oven and pulled the tray full of baked potatoes out without using oven mitts. He closed the oven and put the tray onto the counter. "Geralt? Why don't you invite BB while I set the table?"

 

Geralt walked out into the outdoors. BB was clearly exhausted, but he was still attempting to protest. He had dropped his cone some time ago, he had difficulty staying upright, and he struggled to keep his eyes open. In the crowd behind him, many people were exhausted and some were even sleeping, but none of them looked as bad as BB.

 

"Are you alright?" Geralt asked out of concern.

 

"No! You, you won't… do the… what?" BB slurred.

 

"Come inside. We've got some water and baked potatoes just for you."

 

"Nooooo… I'll… neverrr surrenderrr…"

 

"Barnabas-Basil. You need medical attention. Let me help you."

 

"I'll do shit when you do the party." BB glared at Geralt and attempted to look and sound intimidating.

 

"Oh, screw this." Geralt easily picked BB up over his shoulder, carrying him in a fireman's lift.

 

"Lemme… let me go!" BB squirmed ineffectually. Geralt carried him inside the house. "You may.. be able to take me… but you'll… never take me!"

 

Regis was just finishing setting the table when Geralt walked in. He took one look at BB and instantly went into Doctor Mode.

 

"Set him down on the benches. Keep him supported. If he goes into shock or has a seizure and I don't notice, notify me immediately." Geralt obeyed Regis and laid BB down. He supported BB's head with his hand. Regis grabbed a cup and filled it with water, then sprinkled a little salt inside. He held the cup to BB's lips. "Drink slowly." BB refused to even open his mouth. 

 

"Dammit, don't be so stubborn. We're trying to help you." Geralt critisized.

 

BB covered his mouth with his hand. "I won't… give up…"

 

"If I agree to host the Valentines party, will you let us help you?" Geralt bargained with BB. BB nodded in response. "Alright, I will. Now drink the damn water."

 

The protesters erupted in applause. Geralt turned towards them and realized he had made a huge mistake. He left the door open. The protesters heard Geralt give in to their demands through the open door. Wine bottles were popped and smashed, couples kissed, and someone threw confetti into the air where the crowd was. Geralt massaged his forehead.

 

"What have I gotten myself into?"


	6. Party Prep

 

"So! Now that BB isn't dying, let's send out some invitations!" Marlene enthusiastically suggested. She, Geralt, Regis, and Milly were sitting in the main hall, a sheet of paper, blank invitation cards, quills, and an inkwell on the table.

 

"Do I have to invite a lot of people?" Geralt groaned.

 

"Nope! We can just restrict the list to your friends and family." Marlene picked up a quill and inked it. "So, who do you two want to invite?"

 

"Detlaff is a must. He is pining for someone, and if he brings them to this party, he could be inspired to confess his feelings for them." Regis stated.

 

"Detlaff and crush, got it." Marlene wrote Detlaff's name and a plus one onto the paper.

 

Geralt pondered for a little bit. No one came to mind. "I can't think of anyone."

 

"What about Triss, or Yennefer?" Marlene suggested.

 

"They're engaged. To each other."

 

"Okay, we'll get back to you. Regis?"

 

"I can read your mind and see everyone you like and their names and invite them to the party." Milly butted in. Everyone stared at her. "What?"

 

"It's okay. We don't need your mindreading capabilities just yet. So Regis, what were you going to say?" Marlene patted Milly's shoulder and got back to the topic at hand.

 

Regis thought for a moment before remembering what he was going to say. "After I was revived, so to speak, I was told Geralt was dead, so I mourned him. I didn't interact with humans much outside of my professions and the marketplaces during that time. As a result, I was kept out of the loop, so I didn't hear he was alive until a few months before we reunited. I spent most of my free time with other vampires, who helped me keep him off my mind. They… didn't exactly regard humans as equals, despite my best efforts to convince them to. I can't, in good conscience, invite them here when several humans are going to be intoxicated. That said, my friend Orianna can control herself around drunk humans."

 

"So Orianna and no one else? Alright. What about you, Geralt?" Marlene wrote Orianna's name down and asked Geralt.

 

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… You know what? Fuck it. Read my mind. See if you can come up with anyone." Geralt gave up.

 

Milly cracked her knuckles and took a deep breath. She held her hands to both sides of Geralt's head. Her hands twitched violently. She called upon the Force and brought it into her body. She held it inside her chest while she signed various magical words. Slowly, she allowed the Force to flow into her arms and head while she made several pulling motions away from Geralt's head with each hand, progressively moving them farther away. When her hands were about six inches away from Geralt, Milly froze for a split second, then she concentrated the Force into her hands and brain and suddenly grabbed Geralt's head. She held onto him as her expression pained and her breathing labored.

 

Milly let go with a groan, completely drained. Geralt dropped to the floor. She leaned back and rested while Regis checked on Geralt. Mindreading took a lot out of her. She sat up and wrote several names on the paper. "All of Geralt's friends, right there." She pointed to the paper, out of breath.

 

"Ugh, I'm fine." Geralt pushed Regis away. "How many people are on the list now?"

 

Marlene glanced at the list and whistled. "Many. Let's shorten this list a little, shall we?"

 

\-----------

 

Corvo Bianco was buzzing with activity. Servants were running around preparing for the party. Geralt was silently freaking out, and BB was walking around with papers and a quill calculating costs and putting in last-minute orders for shipments. Milly was handling physical work, such as carrying crates and pushing carts. Milly and BB had stopped for the moment to discuss finances and plans.

 

"How many tables will we need?" Milly asked out of curiosity.

 

"I'm not sure, maybe ten, assuming they're all the same size as the ones you were dragging earlier?"

 

"Ah, okay. I'm not sure if we need that many, though."

 

"Cupids! I've been looking for you!" Marlene called out as she walked towards them.

 

"What is it?" Milly asked.

 

"You know, you two have been working so hard lately, what with Milly's party set up set up and magically sending out invitations, and BB's protest to convince Geralt. I've got a little surprise for you two, but you need to wait until the party to see it."

 

"I don't like surprises." Milly told her.

 

"Well, too bad. Anyway, kids, you will need archery lessons for it."

 

Milly and BB shared a look with each other. "Why archery?" BB hesitantly inquired.

 

"You're going to need it for what I've got planned. Anyway, come with me, children." Marlene gestured to follow her.

 

"We're busy." BB said as he flipped through his papers.

 

"Come on, it'll only take a few minutes. I just want to evaluate your skills. You can go back to working as soon as we're done." Marlene pleaded.

 

"Alright. I will do the evaluations and nothing more. I need to do a lot of calculations and I can't afford to waste much time."

 

"Ok. I'll go with you. I've never used a bow before, though." Milly agreed. Usually, the things Marlene made her do put her in danger, but she had to admit they were fun.

 

"Great! I've got an archery range set up for you dearies!" Marlene left with her helpers following her. They traveled to the fields where they summoned the chort just a few days prior. Said chort was still in the fields, rotting under the Touissant sun.

 

"Someone needs to get rid of that corpse. It absolutely reeks, even from this distance." BB waved his hand in front of his face, trying to disperse the scent.

 

"Where is the target?" Milly asked.

 

"Over there." Marlene pointed in the opposite direction of the chort. There was a lonely red and white archery target sitting in the grass where she was pointing. BB put his stuff on the ground. Marlene took a bow and two quivers full of arrows off the table, one quiver with arrows with red fletching and the other with blue, and held them out. "Who wants to go first?"

 

BB took the bow and the quiver with blue arrows from Marlene. He slinged the quivers over his back and tested the string of his bow. He went into an archer's stance and nocked the bow. He pulled the arrow back until the string reached his cheek, then released the arrow. It soared through the air, whistling as it went, and then it embedded in the target with a thud. BB repeated the process until he ran out of arrows. Seven out of the ten arrows he was given hit the target.

 

"Not bad. You learn that in the militia training?" Marlene was impressed.

 

"Yes. I also learned how to wield daggers, clubs, and weaponized vegetables." BB proudly declared.

 

"Alright, sweetie, it's your turn." Marlene turned her attention towards Milly and held out the other quiver to her, but Milly wasn't paying attention. She was staring at a servant girl in blue that had wandered nearby. The girl saw Milly and waved.

 

"Hello! How are you doing? I hope you're having a pleasant day! You look gorgeous! Did you do something different with your hair?" Milly babbled. She was waving enthusiastically towards the servant girl. Milly fluttered her eyelashes at her as she had seen other women do towards men they desired.

 

"Milly? Hellooo? You there?" Marlene waved her hand in front of Milly's face. It was no use. Milly was entranced by the blue girl's very prescence. "Hey. You want to impress her?" That caught Milly's attention.

 

Milly yanked the quiver out of Marlene's hands and attempted to wrap it around herself. It ended it being extremely uncomfortable for her, but she didn't care. She grabbed the bow out of BB's prepared hands and plucked the string, pretending to know what she was doing. She mimicked the stance BB was in, but her front was still facing the target. She fumbled with one of the arrows in her quiver until she had managed to pull it out, then she nocked the arrow into the bow, if what she did could be called nocking. She pulled the arrow back until she felt that if she pulled it back any farther the string would hurt her when she fired. She let go of the arrow, and it flew a few paces away from her until it landed in the grass.

 

"At least it went farther than my first shot did." Marlene reassured Milly. 

 

Milly groaned in frustration and embarrassment. Milly kept nocking and firing arrows until she ran out. Not a single arrow managed to travel even halfway to the target. Milly grabbed her hair and flushed. "Oh Lebioda…"

 

The servant girl from earlier came up to Milly and patted her shoulder. "Hey, it was a nice try. I bet with some practice you could get loads of bullseyes on that thing."

 

"Really?!"

 

"Yes. I believe in you. You can do anything."

 

Milly did not say anything in response. She rushed out into the fields and plucked the arrows off the ground. She came back with all ten arrows given to her and prepared to shoot again.

 

"Milly. You're doing this all wrong. Let me help you." BB moved Milly around and gave her instructions. In the meantime, Marlene took a good look at the servant girl.

 

The girl had short, light brown hair that resembled the bark of a tree, and skin that was kissed by the sun. Her deep brown eyes, the color of which resembled freshly baked cookies, looked haunting at first glance and gave an intimidating look to her, but anyone that bothered to actually look into them would see the warmth they radiated. Her pointed ears helped to frame her face, which was rounded out by her slight chub. Her dress, the color of which resembled Bluebells, had no sleeves and the skirt flowed down to her ankles, allowing black boots to peek out. On her arms are various scars telling the story of a rough-and-tumble childhood. Her dainty hands were covered by dark gray gloves. Her pudgy build brought to mind a well-loved teddy bear.

 

"I don't think we've met before, young lady. What's your name?" Marlene initiated.

 

"It's Helena, but my friends call me Lena. What about you?"

 

"My name is Marlene. Nice to meet you." They shook hands. Marlene noticed that Helena had a strong grip.

 

"Nice to meet you too. What do you do around here?" Helena inquired.

 

"I'm technically Master Geralt's personal chef, but since I'm not on his payroll I play the role of a grandmother to him and everyone else here."

 

"He's forcing you to work for him?! That's horrible!"

 

"Relax, sweetie. I'm here because I want to be. If I wanted to leave in the dead of night, no one could stop me or force me to return." Marlene reassured Helena.

 

"If you say so…"

 

"What do you do around here?"

 

"Oh, I mostly transport things and help tend to the gardens."

 

"Say, what do you think of Milly over there?" Marlene pointed with her thumb to the girl in red learning how to shoot a bow.

 

"Oh, so that's what her name is? She seems really cool. She's always casting some form of magic and the way her hands move is so cool. Plus, whenever that one creep harrasses and/or inappropriately touches a girl, she always makes him pay for it one way or another." She blushed at how one time when the creep was hitting on her Milly threw sand in his eyes and then gave him an old-fashioned beatdown.

 

"Have the two of you talked?" Marlene started gauging.

 

"Well, here's the thing: she comes up to me sometimes and she talks to me so fast I can't understand what she's saying, then she leaves before I can respond. I wish I could get in a proper conversation with her." Helena sighed. As horrible as Milly's fashion sense was, she found her to be beautiful and fascinating. She wanted to stare into Milly's blue eyes and hold her hands as they talked quietly under the light of the moon.

 

Marlene grabbed Helena's wrist and dragged her over to Milly. Marlene then made Milly stop shooting. "Here's your chance." She picked up BB's things and took BB away from the girls so that they could be alone. "BB, don't you have a lot of calculations to do?"

 

"Oh, yes! Thank you for reminding me. I should be getting on with it." BB took his stuff back. "Oh, foolish, foolish me. I'm busy, busy, busy."

 

\----------

 

"Who are you?" Marlene asked the strange, very clearly gay man.

 

"What? You don't know who I am?"

 

"Should I?" Marlene raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"Of course you should! I am the bard Dandelion! Famed throughout the continent for my epic ballads about the White Wolf, Geralt of Rivia!" The man bragged. "And I am also said wolf's companion. I'm here to visit him." He added.

 

"Uh huh." Marlene, unimpressed, did not lower her bow. "One, I've never even heard of you. Two, if you're Geralt's friend, then why are you sneaking around here?"

 

"W-what? You've never heard of me?! What about my ballads, perhaps you know some of them?" Dandelion started playing a song on his lute, which mainly consisted of him flailing his hand about and screaming at the top of his lungs.

 

"Kids these days…" Marlene muttered. She fired a warning shot from her bow, shooting Dandelion's hat off. He yelped and stopped playing immediately. Marlene renocked her bow before Dandelion could recover. "Tell me what you are doing here and I may let you live!"

 

"I want to plan my dramatic entrance! I need to impress everyone around me! If I didn't, why would I become a bard?"

 

Marlene fired off her bow again, this time the arrowhead clipped Dandelion's shoulder. "My patience is coming to an end, simple weed." Marlene growled.

 

Dandelion stuttered and stammered, trying to come up with a response that wouldn't get him immediately killed. "Has anyone ever told you that your eyes shine like the moon?" Dandelion settled on. Maybe this old lady is lonely and looking for some companionship from a dashing young man ready to sweep her off her feet, or an adorable boy that wants to date a nice old lady that made him cookies.

 

"You think I'm some young maiden that's desperate for attention from guys?! You think that flirting with me will automatically make me swoon, want to bang you, and let you do whatever the fuck you want after that?! I have spent over a hundred years as a wight, isolated from humanity! The days where I gave a fuck about shits like you are long gone! I am sick and tired of," Marlene struggled for a second to find a word that expressed her rage. "Manbabies that think they can do whatever the hell they want, when they want, just because they exist!"

 

Dandelion was truly afraid for his life. He silently prayed to whatever gods were listening to let him get out of this situation intact.

 

"The world would be a better place without you in it. Die." Marlene pointed her bow at Dandelion's throat. She took a few deep breaths to stabilize her aim and let go of the arrow.

 

"Marlene! What are you doing?!" Geralt shouted. Marlene was startled and raised her arm up, making her miss the shot. Dandelion couldn't move. He was in shock.

 

"I'm taking out the trash." Marlene reached to pull another arrow out of her quiver. Geralt grabbed her hand, stopping her.

 

"No. That's my best friend."

 

"What?! He wasn't lying about that?!" Marlene exclaimed.

 

"This is Julian Alfred Pankratz, also known as the bard Dandelion."

 

\-----------

 

_"Aaaaand, done! Whew, my hand's cramping up a storm!" Marlene had just finished writing the invitations to Geralt's party._

 

_Milly looked up from her book. "Can I teleport them now?_

 

_"Hang on, let me have Geralt look over them." Marlene gathered the invitations into a stack and knocked on the door to Geralt's room. "Geralt? Could you look over these invitations in case I made some mistakes?"_

 

_For a few seconds, there was no response. Then, the door slowly opened, showing Geralt. He looked like he had seen better days, to say the least._

 

_"Are you all right?" Marlene asked._

 

_"Yeah. I feel shitty all over, but I'm fine." Geralt groaned._

 

_"If you say so… Could you check for any mistakes in these invitations?"_

 

_"Yeah, sure." Geralt took the stack of invites and started reading through them. He took out the one addressed to a Mr Julian Alfred Pankratz. "Don't need to send this one. He's coming anyway." He handed it to Marlene and continued sorting. "Dead, dead, dead, dating, possibly dead…" Geralt muttered to himself as he read through the cards. "If someone is in an open relationship, would they be able to attend a Valentines party?"_

 

_"I guess." Marlene shrugged._

 

_Geralt finished going through the cards and gave them back to Marlene. "These ones are dead, these ones are in a relationship, and the rest can attend."_

 

_Marlene took the cards to Milly. "Teleport these cards first, then these ones." Marlene pointed to the cards for people that can attend, then to the cards for people that are dead or possibly dead._

 

_Milly took the cards for people that can attend, opened them, and spread them out. She made a few hand gestures and pressed her other hand to an invitation. She thought of the person's face as she had seen them in Geralt's memories. She brought her hand up, and the card disappeared. Without remaking her gestures, Milly repeated the process with the other cards until there was none left on the table._

 

_"Hey, Milly."_

 

_"Yes?" Milly interrupted her own spellcasting to open the rest of the cards and spread them out._

 

_"What are your measurements?"_

 

_"Why do you ask?" Milly recast the teleportation spell._

 

_"Just curious."_

 

_"I don't know my exact measurements, but according to the standard clothing sizes I'm a medium all around." Milly teleported several of the cards._

 

_The door slammed open, startling Milly and making her release the spell. "GUYS HOLY FUCK YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS BUT I CONVINCED GERALT TO HOST THE PARTY!"_

 

_"BB! I was casting!" Milly shouted in exasperation._

 

_"We already knew that, dearie." Marlene smiled._

 

_"Oh… alright then." BB visibly deflated._

 

_"It was still good that you thought to tell us. Did you just wake up?" Marlene inquired. Milly massaged her forehead._

 

_"Yes. I figured being out and about would do me some good."_

 

_Milly recovered and began the hand movements once again._

 

_"Milly?" Marlene got Milly's attention._

 

_Milly paused her casting. "Yes?"_

 

_"Settle a bet between us, would you? What's the gesture for "life?"" Marlene asked._

 

_Milly thought for a little bit, then she made four successive handshapes. The first one consisted of her thumb and index finger sticking out while the other fingers touched her palm. She pulled her thumb and index in and straightened her pinky. Third, she made a pinching gesture. Last, but not least, she brought her thumb to her palm and touched the side with the nail with her other fingers._

 

_BB opened his coin purse and gave Marlene five coins with a frown. Milly resumed her casting and teleported the last three cards, the ones for people named Milva, Cahir, and Angouleme._

 

_"Grandma always wins." Marlene bragged._

 

_"Shut up."_

 

\-----------

 

"So you see? You shouldn't hurt him."

 

Marlene reluctantly lowered her bow, still angry at Dandelion. She made the "I'm watching you" hand signal and stomped away, grumbling the entire time.

 

"Are you alright?" Geralt asked, concerned for his friend.

 

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. That wasn't my first near-death experience after all." Dandelion brushed off with a forced laugh. He looked around for his hat and found it in the arrow that had lodged itself deep in a stone wall behind him.

 

"You're hurt." Geralt noticed the cut on Dandelion's shoulder.

 

"Oh, this? It's nothing." Dandelion replied with wobbly legs. Suddenly, his knees buckled, and he fell forward. Geralt caught him in his arms. "She… she was actually going to kill me…"

 

"She didn't. You're still alive." Geralt awkwardly rubbed Dandelion's back.

 

"Thank you." Dandelion whispered. "Could you show me around here?"

 

"Alright. There's someone you need to meet first, however. Regis!"

 

Regis sprinted to Geralt's side, knocking over a thankfully empty table in the process. Dandelion did a double take when he saw him.

 

"Regis? You're… you're alive? But how?"

 

"It's a long story." Regis and Dandelion hugged tightly. "Why don't you come inside? You must have had a long journey."


	7. The Party

 

It was Valentines day. Tables were set up, servants were making last-minute preparations, and the Cupid Squad were reviewing a list of guests.

 

"How many of these people are attending?" BB asked.

 

"Don't know. I wrote on the invites that an RSVP isn't necessary." Marlene shrugged.

 

"Why are we memorizing names, anyway?" Milly questioned.

 

"Let's just say that this ties into the archery lessons and your surprise."

 

"Today is the day of the party. I would like to see the surprise you have planned for us." BB hinted.

 

"You can't see it just yet. You have to wait for it." Marlene chided.

 

\---------

 

"So, for my ballad, I was thinking it could go something like," Inhuman screaming left Dandelion's body while he played an imaginary banjo. "What do you think?"

 

"It's terrible. Your fans will love it." Geralt remarked

 

"I'll take that as a compliment. The song's about three polyamorous lovers who reunite after two of them died and were brought back from the dead. One's a vampire, another's a vampire hunter, the third one's a bard, and they're gay for each other. They get a happy ending."

 

"They better. I'm sick of you giving endings thought up by a whiny pubescent twelve-year-old to your songs."

 

"Speak for yourself, Geralt. Before you died, you whined and moaned over every little thing. Everyone saw you as a toddler."

 

"Yet you acted like a two-week-old then, and you still do now." Geralt retorted.

 

"You love it." Dandelion looked out into the distance. "Hey, I think I see someone coming!"

 

Geralt looked in the same direction Dandelion did. Indeed, one of the invited guests was coming. He sighed. "Guess I have to change into formal wear now."

 

\----------

 

Geralt stepped out of his room, wearing the clothes Marlene made for him.

 

"I must say, you look absolutely ravishing." Regis complimented Geralt as he bit his lip.

 

"I look ridiculous." Geralt complained.

 

"Don't focus on that. Is it comfortable?"

 

"Surprisingly, it's not as bad as it usually is. Marlene did a good job with this one." Geralt moved his arm about.

 

"Here, allow me to adjust your clothing. You messed it up a little." Regis pinched and pulled at Geralt's clothing while he took the chance to breathe in Geralt's scent. The smell of alchemical ingredients wafted off of Geralt. Regis leaned in forward almost inperceptively. That was a smell he wamted to wake up to every morning.

 

"Regis? You done?" Geralt's voice shook Regis out of his reverie. Regis realized he had stopped adjusting Geralt's outfit to daydream.

 

"Yes, I am. Wait here. I need to get changed as well." Regis pulled away with regret and went into the guest room, where his formal clothes, also made by Marlene, were sitting on the bed. He quickly changed and found that the clothes fit perfectly. He wondered how Marlene had managed to get his measurements without him knowing.

 

Regis walked back down the stairs again. He compared his clothes to Geralt's, and realized that they were matching outfits. Regis wore a doublet and pants that were both silver. They drew the eye to his wide hips and his somewhat narrow waist, which were accentuated by the shape of his doublet. He wore white gloves that covered his nails with a waterproof material that was strong enough to keep his nails from poking through and even feel dull, so long as he didn't extend his claws. Geralt wore a long shirt, trousers, and a sleeveless overcoat that were also silver. The overcoat made his shoulders seem broader than they were. Geralt wore fingerless gloves that went up to his elbows. Their outfits resembled the other's usual clothing that they wore.

 

"I think we're ready." Geralt smoothed out his hair.

 

"Yes, we shouldn't keep any guests waiting too long." Regis regretfully commented.

 

They embraced each other, Regis wrapping his arms around Geralt's back, and Geralt grabbing Regis's hips and pulling him towards himself. "Here's hoping I won't die from hosting a party." Geralt joked.

 

"Here's hoping. I would be sad if you died." Regis unconsciously lifted Geralt up a few inches from the ground. He slowly turned in a circle while staring into Geralt's eyes. He lowered Geralt to the ground once he had made a full circle. "We should probably move along."

 

\------------

 

One by one, the guests arrived at Corvo Bianco. Greetings were exchanged between Geralt and his old friends.

 

"Borch! Tea! Vea! I haven't seen you in ages!" Geralt greeted warmly. "How are you?"

 

"We're doing great!" Vea replied. Tea did a thumbs up.

 

"I still can't believe you managed to get a house." Borch commented in mild disbelief.

 

"Neither can I. How's life?" Geralt inquired.

 

"It's been going well. I already wrote about this in my last letter to you, but my girlfriends and I are moving here, to Touissant." Borch announced.

 

"Really? Where will you be living?"

 

"East." "To the east." Tea and Vea said at the same time.

 

"Have you two improved your common tongue?" Geralt addressed the ladies.

 

"Yes! We can hold a conversation in common!" Tea bragged.

 

"And we can insult perverts and other bad guys, too!"

 

"So, why Touissant? Aren't there less expensive places to live?" Geralt asked.

 

"Oh, the girls simply had to live in a fairy-tale land, where my, hm, other side of me could be appreciated. And I liked this place whenever I visited, too. So we agreed to move here and scrounged up some money and we're currently trying to buy a small house."

 

"Aren't houses and property expensive in Touissant? How did you get ahold of enough money to make a purchase?"

 

"Our jackdaw, as you know, has…" Tea's face scrunched up as she searched for the right word.

 

"Talents?" Vea suggested.

 

"Yes! He has talents! And he uses them to make money very fast! That's how we are able to afford a house!"

 

"Huh. Hope you aren't using your talents to assassinate anyone. If you are, then I'll have to kill you." Everyone laughed at Geralt's joke. "But seriously, if you're killing people, then I'll need to kill you."

 

"I have no doubt you would!" Borch turned to Vea and whispered very loudly. "He's onto us, we need to take him out."

 

Vea took an empty plate from a servant and threateningly held it against Geralt's throat. Tea snorted, and Borch grinned.

 

"Alright, Vea. You can give back the plate now." Tea told her girlfriend. Vea gave the plate back to the servant, who walked away to put more drinks on the plate.

 

"So, just in case I have been killing, I have a last request." Borch then leaned forward and whispered into Geralt's ear.

 

Geralt pulled away. "I can't."

 

Borch noticed a cute guy several paces away that was wearing a matching outfit to Geralt's. "Ooohhhh, I see. Forgive me, I did not know." Tea and Vea looked in the direction their boyfriend was looking in and saw the cutie in silver.

 

"Know what?" Geralt was confused.

 

"We wish you and your paramour many happy years together." Tea congratulated.

 

"And a long life to you both." Vea added.

 

\--------

 

"Hello, Detlaff! I see you brought someone with you!" Regis welcomed Detlaff and his love interest.

 

"You must be Regis. It is nice to finally meet you. Detlaff here told me a lot about you." The man firmly shook Regis' hand.

 

"Oh, has he now? What exactly has he said?"

 

"He said that you're ugly and stupid." The man said with a smirk.

 

"No I didn't!" Detlaff quickly defended.

 

"I'm just joking. He says you're amazing and that he's glad he has such a good friend."

 

"Aw, thank you, Dett." Regis hugged Detlaff. "So, has he been treating you right?"

 

"What do you mean?" Detlaff asked.

 

"How has he been treating you?"

 

"He's really nice to me, despite what I did. He always asks me about my day, and he sometimes gets me little things as presents, such as this bracelet." Detlaff held up a wrist to show a simple iron bracelet. After a beat, he said something, which happened to be on Regis' mind. "He's not interested in this house anymore, if you're worried about that."

 

"I wasn't worried about him stealing it from Geralt, but thank you for telling me."

 

\--------

 

"Look out, everyone! Royalty has arrived!" Zoltan cackled.

 

"Zoltaaaan!" Ciri covered her face with her hands.

 

"What? It's true." Zoltan saw his best friend talking with someone wearing a similar outfit to him. "Geralt! Over here!"

 

Geralt and the person looked over to them. "Ciri!" Geralt exclaimed. Ciri ran over to him and hugged him. "How's witcher work going?"

 

"It's going great! I've killed five chorts, ten leshens, two ekimmaras, fifteen noonwraiths, and too many other monsters to count!"

 

"I'm a bit jealous. I didn't kill that many monsters during my first year." Geralt complimented.

 

Meanwhile, Zoltan reunited with someone he thought to be dead. "You, you're, but I-"

 

"It's me. I'm alive. I'm real." Regis touched Zoltan to convince him he is, indeed, real.

 

Zoltan hugged Regis. "I'm about to start bawling like a baby, and I haven't even gotten somethin' to drink."

 

"Unfortunately, you will have to wait for any alcohol you wish to drink. It's not being served yet."

 

"Damn it…"

 

\--------

 

"Regis! I never thought you would throw a party after you gave up blood." Orianna hugged Regis.

 

"I never thought I would, either." Regis laughed.

 

"What inspired you to host this party?" Orianna pulled away from Regis and grabbed a glass filled with liquid.

 

"Technically, Geralt is hosting this party. As for what brought this party on, well, it's a bit of a long story."

 

"We've got time." Orianna sipped her drink. "Ugh. What is this, grape juice?"

 

"Probably. It's tradition to not sevre alcoholic beverages until couples are matched up."

 

"Urgh, I completely forgot about that. So, tell me that story. Wait, let me guess- it has something to do with your boyfriend."

 

"I don't have a boyfriend."

 

"Uh huh, and I'm two kids in a coat." It was worth noting that Orianna was not wearing a jacket.

 

"He is straight. The chances of us becoming an item are very slim, if even existent." Regis insisted.

 

"Your gaydar never did work very well." Orianna laughed and shook her head. "Anyway, back to the subject. How did Geralt come to host this party?"

 

"I'll give you the short version." Geralt came forth from the slight crowd to join Regis' side. "My majordomo wanted a Valentines party for some reason, so he requested that I do so. I said no, so he staged a protest in less than ten minutes that lasted several hours. He suffered from severe dehydration from his efforts, and refused to receive care until I agreed to host the party. And, of course, everyone overheard." He took a glass of grape juice from a nearby table.

 

"Oh, did your majordomo die?"

 

"No, but I certainly was worried for him." Regis remarked.

 

All of a sudden, shouting, fighting, and even an explosion could be heard, which could only mean one thing.

 

"Regis, wait here." Geralt gave Regis his glass of grape juice.

 

"Don't go to the fighting. Let me handle it." Regis tried to give back the juice.

 

"I know the people that are fighting. I can deal with it. If you hear me scream, you can interfere." Geralt patted Regis and left to deal with the situation.

 

"He's straight, huh?" Orianna smirked.

 

When Geralt got to the fighting, four people were screaming and swordfighting each other. Two Blue Stripes soldiers were both fending off and attacking a Scoia'Tael commander and a big burly guy.

 

"Hey! Break it up!" Geralt carefully pushed the swords down, minding his hands. "There will be no fighting on my own fucking property!"

 

The children slowly pulled away from each other, sheathing their swords.

 

"They started it!" The elf started literally and metaphorically pointing fingers.

 

"If you Squirrels didn't collaborate with a kingslayer in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess!" The male member of the Blue Stripes argued.

 

"Oh, I guess Letho betraying us was our fault too, Roche with an "a?""

 

"Seriously? You can't think of a better insult for my name? At least get creative with it! Your name sounds like it's pronounced by vomiting all over the person you're talking to! "Iorveth, Iorveth, Iorveth." You see what I mean?"

 

Letho and Ves watched the argument closely. The fights between Iorveth and Vernon Roche were always fun to observe, but never any fun to participate in. They always argued over the same things, but somehow it never got boring. Geralt suddenly grabbed the back of Iorveth's and Vernon's heads and banged them together.

 

"Knock it off! This is supposed to be a party, not a fight club! If you can't stop fighting for ten fucking seconds, then stay the fuck away from each other!"

 

Iorveth and Vernon Roche rubbed their heads and backed away from each other. Letho left, as there clearly wasn't going to be any more arguing here. Ves joined Vernon's side, checking his head.

 

"I'm fine. I was just taked by surprise." Vernon assured her. "I still can't believe you buttoned up your shirt."

 

"It's a special occasion. Don't get used to it."

 

"It's a pity. I was hoping that one day I could even get you to wear a dress."

 

"Ugh. What am I, your dress-up doll?"

 

\--------

 

"Gaunter O'Dimm. I didn't expect to see you here." Regis approached the simple restaurant owner and stood in front of him.

 

"Neither did I. However, I haven't been to a Valentines party in years." Gaunter remarked.

 

"Were you invited?" Regis questioned.

 

"Aw, don't interrogate me like that. A few weeks ago I served you breakfast. But to answer your question, no I was not." O'Dimm grabbed a cookie from a nearby platter and held it to Regis' mouth. "Don't tell your love about me being here."

 

"I don't-" Gaunter shoved the cookie into Regis' mouth, shutting him up. Gaunter froze time and walked away while Regis was still distracted. Once he was out of sight, he let time flow again. Regis choked on the cookie. When he recovered, he looked around, confused. "What? Where did you-? What?"

 

Somewhere in the distance, an ordinary restaurant owner laughed.

 

\--------

 

"HEY GERALT!" Eskel tackled Geralt to the ground.

 

"Oof! Eskel!" Geralt noticed the dark veins on Eskel's face. He looked like shit. "Are you alright?"

 

"WHEN I GOT YOUR INVITE I WAS AT KAER MORHEN SO I HAD TO COME HERE AS QUICKLY AS I COULD SO I DRANK SO MANY POTIONS TO STAY AWAKE AND GET STAMINA AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYS!"

 

That explained a lot. "You mind getting off of me?"

 

Eskel got off of Geralt and helped him up. By "helped," Eskel meant flail his arms around and shout encouragements to the apparently crippled and hard-of-hearing Geralt.

 

"YAY! YOU DID IT!" Eskel clapped his hands and bounced around.

 

"Yeah, thanks to you." Geralt grumbled.

 

Eskel smiled wider than he ever had in his life, and tears started welling up in his eyes. Without warning, Eskel tacklehugged Geralt to the ground again.

 

"Damn it, Eskel!"

 

"Damn it Eskel indeed." A familiar, fatherly, slightly out-of-breath voice emanated from the side. Geralt and Eskel turned their heads to see who it was. Their eyes traveled up boots and then very familiar armor up to a very familiar face. Lo and behold, against all odds, Vesemir was standing before them alive and well.

 

"Dad!"

 

"PAPA!"

 

The boys scrambled to their feet. They pulled their father into a group hug. They started babbling about how much they missed him.

 

"How are you even alive? We burned your body." Geralt askes in disbelief.

 

"Oh, you burned me alright, you idiots."

 

\-------

 

_Vesemir groaned. He pushed himself up, and pain shot up his body. He was sure his arm and his ribs were broken. His neck was extremely sore where that one guy grabbed him and tried to snap his neck._

 

_"Vesemir's funeral - we should prepare."_

 

_What?_

 

_"Geralt, is that you? I'm not dead."_

 

_"Ciri, it's not your fault he died. Vesemir knew what he was getting into." Yennefer embraced Ciri in a hug._

 

_"He died because of me…" Ciri sounded like she was about to start crying._

 

_"Ciri? Yennefer? Geralt? I'm not dead yet."_

 

_"Guys? Where's Vesemir?" Lambert and Eskel came running towards them._

 

_"Down here. Help me up, would you?" Vesemir held up a hand._

 

_"He's dead! Because of me!" Ciri actually started crying._

 

_"Vesemir's… dead?" Lambert was in disbelief._

 

_"No no no, papa! Don't be dead!" Eskel violently shook Vesemir, aggravating Vesemir's broken bones._

 

_"I'm not! I'm still alive! Stop shaking me, you little cunt!"_

 

_"Vesemir… he's… oh, no." Lambert shook his head and hugged himself._

 

_"I can still hear his voice like he's still with us… I can hear him saying "stop shaking me, you little cunt." I wish he were still here." Geralt thought aloud._

 

_"Okay, now you're just mocking me!" Vesemir pushed himself to his feet with some difficulty. "If you idiots decide to stop, I'll be in my bed."_

 

_"I can't believe he's dead!" Ciri bawled._

 

_"Hey, where did Vesemir go?" Geralt looked around._

 

_"To wherever people go when they die." Lambert muttered._

 

_"No, I mean where did his body go?" Everyone looked for the body, but it had disappeared without a trace._

 

_~~~~_

 

_"And now, as Vesemir's soul leaves his body, we will purify his body with fire so that he may be unburdened."_

 

_That woke Vesemir up._

 

_Vesemir opened his eyes with a gasp. He shot up, then he groaned in pain and laid back down on his bed, which he didn't remember being so uncomfortable._

 

_Wait. That wasn't a bed. It was a pile of dry wood._

 

_Someone threw a torch onto the funeral pyre, lighting it up instantly._

 

_"HOLY FUCK!!!" Vesemir instantly caught on fire. "WHAT THE FUCK, CHILDREN???"_

 

_"I can't believe he's gone…" Lambert said. "You know, he always said I would inherit his sword. My grip is perfect for it."_

 

_"YOU AIN'T INHERITING SHIT, LAMBERT!!! DAMMIT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE!!!"_

 

_"Hey, I'd like to say something real quick…" Eskel stepped forward in front of the raging fire and the burning wood beneath it. "Today, we lost our papa, who died to save his granddaughter."_

 

_"QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I'M DEAD!!!" Vesemir managed to climb out of his own funeral pyre_

 

_Eskel choked back a sob. "Sometimes, I can still hear his voice…"_

 

_Everyone bowed their heads except for Geralt. Geralt was staring at the pyre when he realized something was amiss. "Hey, aren't bodies not supposed to burn so quickly? Where did Vesemir go?"_

 

_Lambert patted Geralt on the back. "You always were the dumbest one out of all of us."_

 

_"Don't listen to him, Geralt. I understand if you're having trouble processing this. A death in the family is always hard on people." Triss faced Geralt and stroked his face._

 

_"DAMMIT TRISS, YOU TOO?!?!" Vesemir screamed in pain. He was trying to soothe his burns and set his bones at the same time._

 

_"Where is Vesemir's body? Did it fall off?" Geralt looked around for Vesemir. Triss hugged Geralt, and soon everyone else joined in. "Seriously, where did Vesemir go? Was- was he actually alive and he got off the fire? I never checked for a pulse."_

 

_"You know the end times are near when Geralt is the smart one…" Vesemir, with quite some difficulty added by the burns, got up. "Hey! I'm not dead!"_

 

_The group didn't respond to him. Those who were capable of crying did. Those who were not, screamed their hearts out._

 

_"OH, you fucking idiots!"_

 

\-------

 

"Oh… I'm sorry…" Geralt looked down.

 

"I'm sorry too…" Eskel whimpered.

 

"I'm still mad over that, and how you proceded to ignore me for months."

 

"I'M SO SORRY, PAPA! I'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU!" Eskel bawled and hugged Vesemir.

 

"Anything?"

 

"YES! ANYTHING!" Eskel sobbed.

 

"Eskel, shhh… how about you drink a little something for me?" Vesemir pulled out a bottle from his potion pouch. Eskel recognized it immediately.

 

"No! No! Not that! Anything but that!" Eskel backed away.

 

"Eskel, you promised that you'd do anything to make it up to me." Vesemir took on his fatherly tone.

 

"Nooooo… I'm not drinking that! That tastes bad!" Eskel blew a raspberry.

 

"Eskel, if you don't drink your White Honey, you will die." Geralt attempted to persuade Eskel.

 

"I don't care! I won't drink that!" Eskel crossed his arms and turned his back to them.

 

"Geralt, hold him down." Vesemir uncorked the bottle. Eskel realized what he was going to do and bolted. However, Geralt was faster than him and tackled him.

 

"GERALT! GET OFF ME GET OFF GET OFF <b> GET OFF </b> !!!" Eskel managed to flip himself over.

 

"This is for your own good, Eskel." Vesemir held the bottle to Eskel's lips. Eskel shut his mouth tight. "Damn it. Open your mouth."

 

"Milva knew how to make White Honey more palateable without diluting the effects. I wish she were here. She could help. If nothing else, the hanse could help hold him down." Geralt thought aloud.

 

"Did someone say HANSE???" A voice came out of nowhere, followed by three people on a zipline.

 

Geralt couldn't believe his eyes, though considering two people and himself came back from the dead, Geralt should have been able to. Milva, Cahir, and Angouleme had somehow formed a zipline without anyone noticing and were now standing in front of Geralt alive and well.

 

"Did they just-" Eskel was interrupted when Vesemir shoved the bottle into his mouth, his speech turning into gurgling. He choked and flailed around. The hanse held his limbs in place as Vesemir coaxed him to drink. Slowly, Eskel listened to him and drank until the bottle was empty.

 

"There you go. Do you feel better, now?" Vesemir patted Eskel on the head.

 

Eskel coughed. "It was horrible, but I feel better already." The dark lines faded from his face.

 

Everyone let Eskel go. He sat up and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Geralt pulled his old, not dead friends into a group hug.

 

"I thought you were dead!" Geralt exclaimed.

 

"So did we!" Milva laughed. "No seriously, we were fucking dead until a few days ago."

 

"What?"

 

"We were in the afterlife watching the living go about their lives for some cheap entertainment when all of a sudden we all felt a pulling, and then we woke up in the middle of a field with an invitation for each of us to come to your party." Cahir explained.

 

"Just what kind of spell did Milly cast?" Geralt thought aloud.

 

"Who's Milly?" Angouleme asked.

 

"I'm Milly." Everyone jumped in fright. "Oh come on guys, you knew I existed."

 

"Don't do that again! I just came off an overdose!" Eskel moaned.

 

"How did you even sneak up on us? There's three witchers here, not to mention three people facing TOWARDS you." Vesemir was both concerned and impressed.

 

"You'd be surprised how little people notice things below their direct line of sight." Being short occasionally works in favor of a sneak, sometimes against them.

 

"That's Milly. She teleported my invitations out using magic." Geralr introduced.

 

"Oh yeah, didn't she help us set up the zipline?" Angouleme remarked. Milva and Cahir affirmed them.

 

"Wait wait wait. Back up. Didn't you guys say you came back from the dead?" Eskel asked.

 

"Oh yeah! We did! …How did we get back?" Cahir looked around for an answer.

 

"Milly?" Geralt turned to the spellcaster.

 

Milly thought about it for a while. "I don't know. I have no idea what I did to revive you."

 

"…Are you sure about that?" Cahir interrogated.

 

"Yes."

 

"Eh, maybe it'll come to us later. Where's the food? I wanna eat." Milva strecthed her arms above her head.

 

\--------

 

Smoke flooded the entrance to Corvo Bianco. Guests and servants panicked until they realized there was no fire. Dramatic music started playing. Two royal guards cartwheeled out of the smoke, followed by two little girls twirling around and spreading rose petals everywhere.

 

The music reached a crescendo and held it. From the smoke emerged Damian De La Tour, carrying on his shoulders the Duchess of Touissant and her sister, the woman who singlehandedly captured the Beast (according to the town criers, at least). The music suddenly dropped, then it stopped altogether.

 

"Royalty. Has. Arrived." Syanna declared. The women slipped on some sunglasses and flipped off of their seat onto the ground, landing on their feet.

 

"Hey! I said that first!" Someone shouted.

 

Marlene watched this from where she was standing, which by happenstance was extremely close to the Sisters. "Oh, no." She muttered. She could already see the immense conflict that would happen if the Royal Sisters knew of a certain few guests that are attending.

 

She pushed through the crowd that had formed behind her. She seached for a ridiculous purple hat and a head of black hair. She found the former trying to get a look at what caused all the commotion.

 

"Dandelion! You need to get out of here! It's the Duchess!" Marlene called out to him.

 

"What?! Oh, shit!" Dandelion turned tail and ran as fast as he could.

 

"Warn Detlaff if you see him!" Marlene instructed Dandelion on the off chance he knew Detlaff.

 

Marlene dedicated her full attention to finding Detlaff. She searched and searched, and found him in a dark corner with his guest. Marlene weaved through the crowd. The crowd shifted around to allow the Royal Sisters to pass through, but they didn't even consider poor Marlene. The moving crowd tripped her up and confused her, and she would have fallen on her face had a pair of strong arms not stopped her fall.

 

"Are you alright, ma'am?" The owner of the arms asked.

 

When Marlene looked up at him, she nearly fainted right there on the spot. Holding her was the most handsome man Marlene has ever met. He had gray hair that went down to his shoulders, and cat eyes that sent shivers down Marlene's spine. His handlebar moustache framed his mouth.

 

"Ma'am, are you alright?" The man repeated. Marlene realized she was staring and blsushed.

 

"No." Marlene finally said. "You're burning me with your hotness." She broke the contact and ran away. "Stupid stupid stupid, "burning me with hotness," really?" Marlene finally reached Detlaff and his crush.

 

"Hello, madame." Detlaff greeted.

 

"The Royal Sisters-"

 

"I know." Detlaff's nails dug into the palm of his hands.

 

"You can't stay here, it's too dangerous. They may have you killed." Marlene leaned forward and whispered. "I know about the thing. I'm not going to tell anyone."

 

"See? She thinks it's too dangerous to stay here." The man Detlaff was with poked Detlaff's shoulder and tried to persuade him to get to safety.

 

"I don't care." Detlaff snarled. "I will not be intimidated by the likes of them."

 

"At least get away from this area! You're in danger!" Marlene pleaded.

 

"Please? Do it for me?" The man flashed his puppy dog eyes on Detlaff.

 

"Urgh. Fine." Detlaff got up and took his crush by the hand away from the immediate area of the Sisters.

 

\--------

 

With all the guests that were invited attending, the party underway, and Detlaff and Dandelion not immediately facing death, the Cupid Squad could finally play. Marlene called her helpers to her.

 

"Milly! BB! Come here, I've got a special assignment for you two!"

 

BB walked up to her from the front, while Milly unknowingly sneaked up on her and startled her from behind.

 

"Fuck, you nearly gave me a heart attack, child!" Marlene held her hand to her rapidly beating heart.

 

"I'm sorry…"

 

"It's okay. You'll need your sneaking abilities for this." Marlene gestured with her hand to follow her. She led her helpers away from the party to an area where they could be alone. "So, you know that surprise I was hyping up?"

 

"Yes." BB and Milly said at the same time.

 

Marlene took three bags out from a hiding spot. "Well, we have another job to do, and to do that, we need these costumes." Marlene handed BB and Milly each a bag with their respective names on it, keeping the one with her name for herself. "Get changed."

 

All turned their back to each other. They opened their bags, and Milly gave out an excited squeal. Her costume was red! She eagerly pulled the costume out to examine! There was so much red! She put the costume on, careful not to put it on the dirty ground. "I'm done!"

 

"Already?" BB asked.

 

"Yes, we are. You're the only one still changing." Marlene remarked in full costume.

 

"Aw, shit." BB rushed through with changing, stumbling a few times. Eventually, he triumped in the herculean task of putting pants on and finished changing. "What are these costumes for?"

 

"That is an excellent question. Us three will be spreading the love in this party by being matchmakers. We will shoot arrows at couples that I matched together." Marlene handed BB and Mily two separate lists. "Your job is to match up the couples I already listed. Don't bother with any uninvited guests. I will deal with them."

 

"How will we match them together?" BB questioned.

 

Marlene paused. She had completely forgotten to discuss that part. "I was just getting to that. You will each use your respective talents." Marlene went back to the hiding spot and grabbed two bows and four quivers full of arrows, two of which were supposed to be worn around the thighs, if the clip on it was any indication. "We will be nailing people with arrows tied together. A couple will be hit with arrows tied together with string. For example, if I were to match you two up, I would take out a set of arrows," Marlene took out an arrow to demonstrate, which on closer examination were actually two different arrows bound together in red string, like the other arrows. "And I would untie them. Then, I would fire one at Milly, making sure that the suction cup at the end sticks to her, then I would repeat with BB."

 

"I can't do archery." Milly rold Marlene.

 

"I wasn't planning on you doing archery." Marlene handed a bow to BB and handed out a quiver to both her helpers. "I was planning on both of you using your talents to get the job done. Milly, you sneak around and cast teleportation spells to get the arrows on them. BB, you do the talking thing you do to get people to lower their guard and stick the arrows onto them when they least expect it. I will shoot arrows at people from afar. We can work together or separately, depending on what the situation calls for. And before I forget, take these spyglasses and a list of matched couples. We are going to split the load between us so we can get this done faster and so that there's no confusion."

 

"Thanks. Is that all?" Milly pocketed her spyglass.

 

"Keep an eye on the Royal Sisters. Make sure they stay away from Dandelion and Detlaff, Regis' friend in black. Now, let's do that team thing with the circle and the hands!" BB and Milly fortunately knew what Marlene was talking about. They got into a circle, which more closely resembled a triangle due to how few people there were, and put their hands in the center.

 

"One, two, three, CUPID SQUAD!" "CUPID SQUAD!" "CUPID SQUAD!"

 

\---------

 

"Everyone, if you would gather around, please, I have an announcement to make." Commanded the voice of a powerful noblewoman. All stopped what they were doing to look at the woman and listen.

 

The woman wore a black and red outfit. She wore a red domino mask with a heart motif on it. Her gray hair was pulled back into a bun, with tendrils hanging near the front, framing her face. She wore a simple red shirt and matching pants with black boots that reach her knees. Covering her hands were black fingerless archery guards. She was equipped with a bow and quiver.

 

"Starting now, the best part of any Valentines party is about to begin. What is it, you ask? People will run around and hit you with arrows tipped with suction cups, and these arrows will be tied together with red string. If you or someone near you gets hit by one, hold still. Why? Because if two people get hit with arrows tied together, then that means destiny has chosen for them to be with each other, at least for the night." And after a pause, Marlene added onto her announcement. "Tradition states that you share a kiss with your "matched partner," as I like to call it, or "matchee." Alcoholic beverages will also be served now. That is all."

 

Marlene's audience cheered as they heard that they would be able to drink. They dispersed, and Marlene climbed a building to begin her work.

 

"Alcoholics, the lot of them." Marlene mumbled. She took out her spyglass and looked around. "Let's see, which soon-to-be couple is close to each other?" She spotted Milly approaching Borch Three Jackdaws, Tea, and Vea. "Ooh, matching people up already?" Milly crouched down and grabbed some arrows from her quiver. She fiddled with them for a little bit, and she stuck them into the backs of the matchees one by one. They were startled by the sudden force against them and looked for whoever struck them, but Milly had already managed to hide. Or maybe she had just cast a spell that hid her. Either way, no one saw her. The three matchees noticed the arrows sticking out of their backs and laughed. Then they kissed each other, taking turns.

 

\---------

 

Ballroom music played. People danced together in the hopes that fate chooses for them their desired partner. Of course, the partners paired together had a bit of a random element to them, as indicated by Detlaff's current predicament.

 

"So… here we are again." Syanna said.

 

"Yes. Here we are." Detlaff recalled how they had first met. They were ballroom dancing then, just like today.

 

A pregnant silence followed.

 

"Just out of curiosity, did you miss me?" Syanna asked.

 

"No."

 

"Well, I missed you. A tiny bit." Syanna put her head on Detlaff's shoulder. "Damn, I forgot you make a great pillow."

 

Detlaff changed the subject. "Why did you leave me?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Just out of curiosity."

 

Syanna sighed. "Because I couldn't get a moment away from you. Every moment of my life, you were there. You were always violating my boundaries. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran away without saying goodbye." She lifted her head of of Detlaff's shoulders.

 

Now that Syanna pointed out his behavior, Detlaff could see how he pushed her away. "I'm sorry." He didn't bother coming up with an excuse. Excuses always ruin apologies.

 

"It's in the past now. Plus, I kind of, sort of, got even." Detlaff would be a fool to not understand what Syanna was getting at.

 

The music ended. People started dispersing. Detlaff let go of Syanna, but her touch still lingered. Detlaff backed away.

 

"If you're free tomorrow night, there's a restaurant that opened up about a week ago. Would you like to accompany me there?" As soon as the words left Syanna's mouth, she regretted them.

 

"No."

 

The air between them became awkward. They stood there, not knowing what to say.

 

"Sir Detlaff? A minute?" Someone with a modulated, respectful voice got Detlaff's attention. Detlaff was glad for the distraction.

 

A bald man in red spectacles, a white shirt, red vest, red tights, and brown shorts with red stripes stood before them. A heart-shaped brooch was pinned to his vest.

 

"What is it?" Detlaff said.

 

"Your match is nearby. Please stay in that spot." BB pinned a suction-cupped arrow to Detlaff.

 

Syanna was both excited, nervous, and dreading who Detlaff's matchee would be. Her feelings for Detlaff were very complicated, to say the least. The Cupid took hold of another arrow from his quiver. Syanna sweated a little.

 

The Cupid turned around and hit another guest. He was the one Detlaff brought with him. Syanna was ambivalent. On one hand, she was sad because she didn't get matched with Detlaff. On the other hand, she was glad that Detlaff probably wouldn't stalk her again.

 

"Detlaff?" The man exclaimed. He and Detlaff came closer to each other, until they were within kissing distance.

 

"Tell me if I break any boundaries." Detlaff kissed the man softly. The people around them cheered.

 

"I need a stiff drink and some chocolate…" Syanna muttered. She was happy for Detlaff, but she herself was very unhappy. "I swear I've seen that guy before…"

 

\--------

 

Ciri was not having fun. There were too many people around, and the sheer volume of it all was giving her a headache. She slowly sipped her wine. She was not in a good mood right now, and if some teenager decided to smack her, then she would smack them back. Hard.

 

She looked around for something to distract her. She only saw the girl for a split second before she hit Ciri with an arrow, spilling her wine in the process. Ciri saw red, and it wasn't just the teen's outfit. The girl swore and ran away. Ciri chased her with the intent to hurt her.

 

"Shit, shit, shi-hiiit!" Milly cursed. She couldn't find Ciri's matchee, who she swore was just here, and she was fairly certain Ciri was going to kill or maim her.

 

Milly vaulted over fences and tables and dived under arms and platters, trying to gain some distance from Ciri. Ciri, however, overcame the obstacles with ease, and even surpassed them faster than Milly could. Milly silently panicked.

 

"C'mon, where is she?" Milly found Ciri's matchee hanging out near the food. "Aha!"

 

Milly sprinted and bobbed through the crowd, making Ciri lose sight of her… for now. Milly reached the matchee.

 

"If anyone asks about me, you didn't see me!" Milly stuck the other arrow to the matchee and hid under the table.

 

"What…?" Ves stood there trying to figure out what just happened. Then, a beautiful gray-haired girl, Ciri, if she remembered correctly, approached, livid and stained with wine. "Wait, your arrow is tied to mine…"

 

Against all odds, Ciri's arrow stayed attatched to her through her chase. Ciri calmed down a little at the revelation. "So, destiny chose you to be with me." Ciri chuckled.

 

"Seems we both lucked out in that regard." Ves approached Ciri. She leaned towards her and gave her a peck on the cheek.

 

"What was that?" Ciri laughed.

 

"A kiss on the cheek."

 

"I'm pretty sure we're supposed to kiss on the mouth." Ciri leaned forward this time and pressed her lips to Ves'.

 

"So, are we girlfriends, now?" Ves joked once the kiss was over.

 

"Depends on whether or not you decide to take me on a date."

 

They kissed again, and hugged each other. Milly took the opportunity to escape unnoticed.

 

\---------

 

Dandelion and Zoltan burst out laughing.

 

"And-and Geralt just started sulking, so we- so we just made dinner without him, and when Regis helped us, he, he just moped around and whined! He even refused to eat for a good ten minutes!"

 

"It's a good thing he grew out of his emo phase, because I don't think anyone, not even Regis, could tolerate him enough to have a long-term relationship with him. Let's drink to that!" Zoltan raised his beer.

 

"I'll take any excuse to drink." Dandelion's smile stopped reaching his eyes. He knocked his tankard with Zoltan's, and they drank all their beer in one gulp. "I hope they're happy together."

 

"Me too! Hey, who do you think we'll be matched with?"

 

"Not Geralt or Regis, that's for sure." Dandelion laughed awkwardly, his smile falling from his face altogether. "Hey, you want me to get more beers?"

 

"Sure! The more beer, the better!"

 

Dandelion stood up, grabbed the tankards, and left, leaving Zoltan alone. "Was he… sad?" Zoltan pondered.

 

Dandelion stood with his tankards to the casks, trying to decide which one to fill the tankards with. "Which one is best for getting drunk while also having a decent taste?"

 

"I would recommend the Rivia Kriek, sir." A bald man took his tankards from him and filled them for him.

 

"Hey, you're Geralt's majordomo, right? Are Geralt and Regis actually in a relationship?"

 

"No, they are not." Dandelion became significantly happier when he heard that. "However, by the end of the night they likely will be. They're being matched together, you see." Dandelion slumped, disappointed.

 

"Oh… Who am I being matched with?" Dandelion asked.

 

"Why don't you get back to your friend and see?" BB gave the beer to Dandelion.

 

Dandelion grumbled, but he, along with BB, went back to the table Zoltan was sitting at.

 

"Dandelion! Who's that?" Zoltan pointed to the bald guy.

 

"One of the cupids." BB answered for him. He lunged and struck both Dandelion and Zoltan with an arrow at the same time. He then bowed, and left before either matchee could process what had happened.

 

"What?" Dandelion scratched the back of his head, confused.

 

"I think… that man matched us together." Zoltan replied.

 

"Well."

 

"Well."

 

"I was hoping for… a pretty woman, but fate's fate." Dandelion bent down and kissed Zoltan on the forehead.

 

"Oh, stop that. You'll make me blush." Zoltan joked.

 

\--------

 

Vernon Roche and Iorveth were, as to be expected, fighting again. What they were fighting about, Marlene did not know, nor did she care. It was likely they were fighting over petty differences, anyway. That tended to happen when society as a whole pitted two otherwise very similar people against each other.

 

Iorveth shouted something and pointed to outside Corvo Bianco. Vernon Roche replied with more shouting. They walked away to outside of the party, Marlene shadowing them. Once they got a decent distance from the party, they stopped and drew their swords.

 

Marlene knew she had to act fast if she wanted them to survive. She nocked her bow and took aim. Vernon and Iorveth clashed their swords together in a frenzied battle.

 

"Please don't miss…" Marlene prayed. She fired her bow at the children having a tantrum. Vernon's back was turned towards her, so the arrow hit him smack dab on the butt.

 

Vernon yelped and backed away from the fight. The arrow that was stuck to his butt swung around as he pivoted. Iorveth started laughing at him.

 

"Oh, fuck you!" Vernon shouted loud enough for Marlene to hear when he followed the red string to her.

 

"Don't fuck me, fuck Iorveth." Marlene muttered. She renocked her bow and let loose an arrow.

 

The arrow hit Iorveth's crotch. He stopped laughing at Vernon to process this fact. The human and the elf took a look at the situation, and then they doubled over with laughter.

 

Satisfied now that Iorveth and Vernon aren't trying to kill each other, Marlene left to give them some privacy.

 

\--------

 

"Eskel, right?"

 

"Yep. That's me." Eskel groaned. He was still reeling from all the potions he drank.

 

"Remember me? I was at the Battle of Kaer Morhen. I saved your life."

 

Eskel looked up at the man speaking to him. He was a bald witcher from the School of the Bear. Eskel remembered him, all right.

 

"Letho?"

 

Letho smiled. "Yes."

 

"Nice to see you again."

 

"Nice to see you too." Letho sat down by Eskel. "How are you?"

 

"I drank a ton of potions, didn't sleep or even stop running for days, and now I feel like shit."

 

"Did you drink some White Honey?"

 

"Yeah. Had to be forcefed it, though."

 

"Was that what all the commotion was about earlier?" Letho asked.

 

"If you heard shouting, then yes. If you saw smoke, then no."

 

The witchers fell into a comfortable silence. At some point, Letho wrapped an arm around Eskel.

 

"Excuse me? Eskel?" A tiny, quiet voice broke the quiet. Eskel and Letho turned to look at the newcomer.

 

The girl standing next to them wore a red shirt with yellow heart-shaped buttons and sleeves that went down to her elbows, and tight black pants tucked into dull black criminal's boots. Covering her head and shoulders was a reversible cloak that was black on the outside and pink with white hearts on the inside. Two small quivers, both half full with arrows, were slung around her thighs. She held a bottle in one hand.

 

"What?" Eskel groaned out.

 

"Your father told me to give this to you." She held the bottle to Eskel's face.

 

"Oh, thanks." Eskel took the bottle from her.

 

The girl took two arrows from a quiver and shoved one onto both men and ran away. Letho got up to attack her, but when he realized the arrows were suction-cupped he sat back down again.

 

"Nope! Milly ain't dying tonight!" The girl spoke aloud.

 

"What was that?" Eskel asked. He was still a little dazed from the potions.

 

"I don't know." Letho took the bottle and uncorked it. He held it to his nose. The substance inside smelled distinctly of White Honey. It wasn't poisoned, Letho would be able to tell if it was. Letho held the bottle to Eskel's lips. "It's not poisoned. Drink up."

 

Eskel drank it quickly, yet somewhat reluctantly. He wiped his mouth when he was done. "Hey, didn't someone say something earlier about matchups?"

 

Letho had completely forgotton about the matchups. His heart worked harder, and he had to control his breathing. "I think we were just-."

 

"Matched together?" Eskel finished his sentence for him with a smirk. "Not going to lie, when I saw you earlier when I was high, I kind of hoped we would get together."

 

Eskel put his hand on the back of Letho's neck and pushed him towards himself. They kissed passionately, the bitter yet in this case intoxicating taste of White Honey lingering on Eskel's lips. Letho grabbed onto Eskel's hips.

 

"Nothing too exciting. I'm still recovering." Eskel grunted. Letho let go of the hips and instead gently held Eskel's hands, squeezing them just a little.

 

They broke the kiss, their lips slightly swollen. Letho shifted until he was sitting directly next to Eskel, and then wrapped an arm around him once again. "You know, I wanted to do that for a while."

 

"You kissed like you did." Eskel drifted off to sleep, and soon Letho joined him, holding his hand.

 

\--------

 

"I feel so shitty. Like, I know he stalked me and I broke up with him and later manipulated him into killing several people, but I kind of miss him." Syanna almost sobbed.

 

"That tends to happen with exes. Don't worry, sis. You'll get over him eventually." Anna yanked the beer from Syanna and gave her some chocolates instead. "You've been drinking too much. Eat some of these instead. You'll feel better."

 

Syanna shoveled chocolates into her mouth while crying her eyes out. Anna sighed at her drunk sister.

 

"Don't eat so much so fast. You'll choke." Damian De La Tour nagged.

 

"Hopefully, I will!" Syanna yelled through a mouthful of chocolate.

 

"Damn it Syanna!" Anna took the chocolate pieces from Syanna and held it away from her.

 

"Anna, what the fuuuuuuck?! First you take my beer, then you take my chocs? I hate you so much! You're the worst sister ever! I wish you were dead!" Syanna started ineffectually hitting her sister with the bottom of her fists.

 

"How the fuck do I calm you down?" Damian exclaimed.

 

"I believe I may be able to help." BB came up to them.

 

"Hey, you're that one prick! I hate you!" Syanna bawled.

 

"I apologise for earlier. I was required to match the sir up with the man he had taken with him to this party. With your permission, I will make it up to you."

 

"…Does the making up have chocolate or beer?" Syanna questioned.

 

"Not quite." BB removed a bundle of two arrows from his quiver and untied them. "I shall match you up with another guest, though since you and your sister came uninvited I will need to match you with another uninvited guest, so they may not be the best fit for you as a result. Will you allow me to match you up?"

 

"Sure, go ahead." Syanna nonchalantly consented.

 

"Wait, Syanna! You can't do this!" Damian warned.

 

"Oh, don't start. If this helps her get over her ex, then let her be matched up! What's the worst that could happen?" Anna shrugged.

 

Damian stood down and let BB work. BB stuck an arrow onto Syanna's chest, then turned to look for someone to match her up with. He searched the faces for someone unfamiliar to him. He found a man standing near a table that looked like a servant, but BB would have recognised him if he worked for Geralt. BB approached him, letting the string that tied the arrows together trail behind him.

 

"Hello, there." The man said to BB. BB, without a word, matched him with Syanna. "What the-? Oh, I see. You mortals never cease to amuse me." The man chuckled and put down the apple he was eating.

 

"Hey! Matchee! Over heeeerrrreee!" Syanna yelled.

 

The man noticed her and walked to her. "Hello, my name is Gaunter O'Dimm, at your service." He bowed and kissed Syanna's hand.

 

Syanna giggled. "Nice to meet you." She slurred.

 

Ballroom music played again. "May I have this dance?" Gaunter asked.

 

"Sure!" Syanna giggled. Gaunter helped her up and supported her as she started dancing. Anna and Damian tried to stop them, but Gaunter and Syanna quickly melded into the crowd

 

"Don't worry! I have no intention of fucking her anytime soon!" Gaunter called out.

 

"Damn. My lady, shall I go after them?" Damian prepared himself to fight.

 

Anna pondered for a few seconds. "No. Let them have their fun. And put your sword away before you cause a commotion."

 

Damian did not realize he had drawn his sword. He quickly sheathed it before anyone could notice. "My apologies."

 

"You are forgiven. Do you want to eat my sister's chocolates with me?"

 

"Ma'am, we shouldn't, she-" Anna popped a chocolate into her mouth, effectively silencing Damian. "Oh, screw it." He took a chocolate and bit into it. "Mm, these are good."

 

"No wonder Syanna was shoving these in her mouth." Anna said once her mouth wasn't full of chocolate.

 

"Are there any with caramel in them?"

 

"Sure, there's a bunch you can have. I never liked caramel." Anna placed the caramel-filled chocolates into Damian's hand.

 

"What? You don't like caramel? Everyone likes caramel."

 

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not everyone. Caramel is melted sugar that sticks to the roof of your mouth. The texture is gross." Anna lightheartedly argued.

 

"I might have to resign for that." Damian joked.

 

"I would miss you dearly if you did that." Anna laughed.

 

A whoosh was all the warning they were given before Anna was hit in the chest with an arrow.

 

"ANNA!" Damian unsheathed his sword and got in front of Anna, ready to fend off assassins. "Are you alright?!"

 

"Damian, I'm fine. It wasn't a real arrow."

 

Damian took a look at the arrow. On closer inspection, the arrow was suction-cupped, with red fletching and a paper heart glued to the middle. "Oh, thank Lebioda you're unharmed." Something struck Damian in the back, making him yelp. He turned to look what it was. It was an arrow identical to the one that was stuck to Anna. It even had red string connecting it to hers.

 

"A member of royalty and her bodyguard? This is straight out of a romance novel!" Anna pulled Damian to her and kissed him. He tasted of chocolate and caramel.

 

\--------

 

The three recently-turned-undead ate heartily. The food was truly delicious. Geralt knew how to throw a party.

 

"'Ey, guysh, you know wha' 'ear i' ish?" Milva asked through a mouthful of food.

 

Cahir finished chewing amd swallowed. "I don't know. Let me ask someone." He got up and talked with a servant. He came back shortly. "It's been years since we died."

 

"Holy shit." Angouleme swore.

 

"Knew it." Milva commented.

 

"Hey, this is a Valentines party, right? Is there something to get singles together?" Cahir pondered.

 

"Probably. Why do you ask?" Angouleme leaned back in their chair.

 

"Three people, all of them having a heart motif, might be talking about us." Cahir pointed to said people. They chatted about something Cahir could not make out, then the person in the cloak twitched her hand about wildly. The people split up. "Wait, they're dispersing."

 

"Guys, keep your eyes peeled. One of them could sneak up on is and- GYAH!" Angouleme squeaked when they were struck. Milly, who was talking with her Cupid Squad and had managed to sprint over in seconds, had stuck an arrow in Angouleme's back. Before any of them could react, Milly had done the same to the other two and escaped, all in the span of seconds.

 

"What?" Angouleme looked around for Milly. But she was gone.

 

"Hey, these arrows are tied together!" Milva pointed out. Cahir blushed. "Hey, you got something to say about this?"

 

"It's folklore… Folklore from a faraway country, back from before the Conjunction of the Spheres… The elves believed that if two or more people were connected by a red string, they were destined for each other."

 

"So, in other words, someone decided we're soulmates now." Angouleme confirmed.

 

"Well, we kind of died together and spent our un-lives together, so it makes sense." Milva commented.

 

Cahir pulled his friends towards him in a hug. They both reciprocated.

 

\--------

 

Milly took a seat on a chair that was conveniently located so that a shadow fell over it. She checked the list of couples Marlene had given her and found that all couples were crossed out. She was done with the matching. She could do whatever she wanted.

 

Milly reversed her cloak so that the pink and white side was facing outwards. She was at a loss for what to do. She decided to peoplewatch for a little bit. People everywhere were making out. One couple, an elf with a red thingy covering most of his face and some guy wearing a towel on his head, were even getting a bit frisky in a place they probably thought hid them. Overall, the situation was gross and boring.

 

"You know, that girl you're pining over? She's retarded." Milly heard the Pervert of Corvo Bianco say. He sounded like he was nearby.

 

"I don't care what you think about her. I love her, and I hate you. Can I make it any more simple?" A feminine voice snarled in disgust. Milly recognized the owner of the voice immediately. Milly got up and silently stalked towards the voices.

 

"C'mon, you don't want a girl. You want a real man, one with a huge-" The Pervert got slapped hard, from what Milly could hear. Milly procured a small bag and took a handful of the contents out.

 

"Quit grabbing my ass and leave. Me. Alone. I won't ask you again!"

 

"Baby girl, let me tell you how much better I am that that autistic bitch. Where that dyke is a spineless coward, I rush headlong into danger. Why? Because I'm super manly!" Milly was reminded of the time she summoned a chort, and she found Mr Perv hiding underneath a table in a puddle of his own pee. "That dumbass doesn't even know her place! She's always reading books, and thinking! You know what that does to a woman? It makes her independent! And a lesbian! That would be a terrible thing to let happen to you, so if you have sex with me, I will keep you completely dependent on me, don't you worry. And one last thing, and I think this will convince you of my ultimate superiority to her, is that she's…" Milly intentionally breathed down the pervert's neck. "Right behind me, isn't she?"

 

"Why don't you turn around and face her yourself?" Helena mocked.

 

The Pervert slowly turned to face a girl who was so angry her face was redder than her clothes. "Oh… hello. We were just… talking about how amazing you are, isn't that right?" The Pervert turned towards Helena, expecting her to defend him.

 

"He wasn't, that's for sure. In fact, he thought himself as inherently superior to us women just because he breathes and takes up space." Helena started cornering the Pervert with Milly. "He said terrible, terrible lies about you."

 

"I heard him. He said awful things about me." Milly grinned.

 

"Now, babes, there's no need to fight for my love, we can share…" The pervert faltered when he took a good look at Helena's and Milly's faces. "Um, please, don't hurt me…! I-"

 

"Save your breath." Milly raised her open palm to her mouth and blew the handful of glitter that was there into the pervert's face. He yelped in pain.

 

BB heard the commotion and ran over. "What's going on?"

 

"This boy was coming onto Helena, spewing sexist, ableist, and homophobic shit all over!"

 

"And he insulted Milly, too!" Helena added.

 

BB took a look at the boy that peed his pants and was writhing on the ground. BB clacked his tongue. He knew that boy from his disgusting behavior around women.

 

"It's a shame he is well known for his behavior. If I didn't know any better, I would say that even minor acts of violence towards him are excessive." BB tutted.

 

"THOSE BITCH-ASS DYKES BLEW SHIT INTO MY EYES!" The perverted child sobbed.

 

"Oh, grow up, you. You had it coming." BB spat at the child. "Now, to get to what I was looking for you two for…" BB stuck an arrow to each girl's chest. "Marlene knew you two were pining for each other, so she requested that I match you two together."

 

The girls sputtered and stammered, blushing.

 

"I believe my job here is done. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go near the gardens to a shed full of fertilizer to make sure that the very large amount of stinking manure that is stored in there is still there. Have a nice party." BB turned to leave.

 

"Wait! If you see Marlene, tell her I said "thanks for the glitter."" Milly stopped BB.

 

"I will. Goodbye." BB left the girls alone.

 

Milly and Helena looked at each other and grinned.

 

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Helena got a mischevious look on her face.

 

"Beat him up and then literally throw him out of Corvo Bianco?"

 

"I was actually thinking of dumping him into the poop. I'm a bit of a pacifist."

 

"That might be even worse. Let's do it!" Milly picked the manchild up over her shoulders.

 

"No, please, don't-"

 

"Didn't I tell you to save your breath?" Milly lashed out.

 

Milly carted off the struggling pervert away, Helena helping to restrain him. They reached the poop shed.

 

"Hey, Lena, I have an idea. I'll give you this guy, and I'll open the shed. You yoink him in so you don't get poop on yourself." Milly suggested. She handed the guy over to Helena, who took the back of his clothes in each hand. Milly ran over to the shed and opened the doors wide.

 

Helena took a few practice swings with the pervert, and once she was satisfied she flung him from one-hundred feet headfirst into the pile of feces. The pervert pulled himself out of the dung just as Milly shut the door and blocked it with a shovel.

 

"If he doesn't learn his lesson from that, I doubt he ever will." Milly rubbed her hands free of dirt and walked to Helena.

 

"I've always wanted to do that!" Helena giggled.

 

"But you didn't up to this point because you're too nice for your own good." Milly fondly remembered the first time she and Helena met. 

 

Her parents had just been hired by Geralt, and they had been living on Corvo Bianco for a week. Milly was sweeping the tiles and getting accustomed to the layout of Corvo Bianco when there was a crash. Milly ran over to the sound and found that some construction equipment had broken and trapped a cat. The cat mewled at her, whether it was from pain or simply fear Milly couldn't tell. Milly attempted to lift the construction equipment off the cat, but she was unsuccessful. Right then, a beautiful girl in blue swooped in and lifted it high above her head.

 

"Get the kitty!" She had yelled at Milly. Milly obeyed her, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest. The girl dropped the equipment, then turned to Milly- or rather, the cat. "Let me see the kitty."

 

Milly handed the cat over. Bluey, as Milly had called her in her own head until she learned her actual name, inspected the cat. Bluey took a few steps away to leave, and that would have been the end of that had Bluey not beckoned for Milly to follow her. Milly trailed after her, not saying a word. They entered the servant's quarters and Bluey inspected the cat further. She got out some beef jerky she was keeping under her bed and fed it to the cat, then got another strip and held it out to Milly, who accepted it and ate it. Milly didn't remember how the conversation that followed went, but it ended with Helena smiling at Milly and playing with the cat that was unharmed, then Milly blushing and leaving.

 

"Milly?" Helena broke Milly out of her reverie.

 

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. Were you saying something?"

 

"I was talking about us."

 

"Yeah? What about us?" Milly fought to not start jittering from the fluttering in her belly.

 

"I was thinking… Maybe we could… do that kiss thing?" A light dusting of red spread across Helena's face, and she put her hands behind her back and shifted around.

 

"I-I… What?!"

 

"It's okay, we don't have to…" Helena muttered and looked away, her face unreadable to Milly. However, Milly knew what she felt from her words.

 

"No, I want to! You took me by surprise, that's all!" Milly salvaged. Helena looked at Milly's face, her own lighting up. She took a step forward and slid off Milly's hood off.

 

They leaned their faces towards each other and bumped their noses together. Helena laughed, and Milly tilted her head to the side. Milly and Helena kissed, both their hearts racing. Helena cupped Milly's cheeks, while Milly herself climbed Helena and wrapped her legs around around Helena's waist. After a few seconds, they broke the kiss.

 

"I love you, Lena!" Milly squealed in delight.

 

"I love you too!" Helena replied, equally happy. They kissed again.

\--------

 

"C'mooooon, Geralt! Play cards with us!" Zoltan slurred.

 

"Go home, you're drunk."

 

"My home is in Novigrad! Now, play!"

 

"Zoltan, I don't have to do shit." Geralt was quickly losing his patience.

 

"You know you wanna!" Zoltan tugged on Geralt's arm. "Dandelion's gonna be there…" He pleaded.

 

"I need some time alone." Geralt ripped his arm away and stalked off. He was tired from all the socializing he did today, and he needed a break.

 

\--------

 

"So, Regis, tell me something- how often do you two cuddle?" Orianna inquired.

 

"For the love of… That's none of your business." Regis rubbed his temples.

 

"Oh, I see how it is. You two must cuddle so much together that it metaphorically bursts both your hearts."

 

"Can we talk about something else? Anything else?" Regis raised his glass of wine to his lips.

 

"…Is Geralt good in bed?" That made Regis spit out his wine.

 

"I've never had sex with him!"

 

"If you say so. Is Geralt a good cuddler, then?" Orianna asked.

 

Regis sighed. "Yes, he is."

 

"Now we're getting somewhere. Is he nice and warm?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Do you dream of his kisses?"

 

Regis accidentally on purpose spilled his wine down his shirt. "Oh no, I seem to have drenched my shirt. I need to clean this up."

 

"It's white wine. It won't stain."

 

"Nevertheless, I need some napkins. Good night, Orianna." Regis got up and ran away.

 

"…So it's a yes on his end." Orianna chuckled.

 

\---------

 

Geralt sat among the roses so that he could recover from spending so much time around so many people. The flowers were his favourite place to be in Corvo Bianco.

 

"Why did I have to bring up Geralt around her?" Geralt could hear Regis muttering as he drew near. "Oh, hello Geralt."

 

"Hiding from the party?"

 

"More like hiding from an inquisitive best friend." Regis sat next to Geralt, their thighs touching together.

 

"I'm mentally exhausted."

 

"So am I." Regis laid his head on Geralt's shoulder.

 

Geralt wrapped his arm around Regis and moved him so that he sat on Geralt's lap. Regis leaned his head back and pressed his face to Geralt's neck, inhaling his scent. Geralt tightly hugged Regis around the waist, as if letting go would mean he would lose Regis forever. Regis massaged the side of Geralt's thigh with one hand while Geralt sniffed his neck. The scent of various herbs comforted Geralt. An arrow hit Regis and stuck to him.

 

"Regis!" Geralt exclaimed.

 

"What?" Regis was startled out of his daydreams by Geralt's voice. He just then noticed the arrow. "I- wh-  What?" Regis got off of Geralt.

 

Another arrow hit Geralt.

 

Geralt and Regis stared at each other. Wordlessly, Geralt approached Regis, closing the distance between them. Geralt leaned his head closer to Regis'.

 

Regis freaked out. He tore the arrow off of him, turned into mist, and flew away.

 

\---------

 

BB had matched up the last couple on his list. He could finally hang out on his roof and relax. BB took a ladder and propped it against the wall. He climbed up the ladder onto the roof, where he found Geralt rocking back and forth, next to a closet that Marlene just had to have up there. Geralt was holding two arrows, with red string tying them together.

 

"Master Geralt? Are you alright, sir?" BB placed a hand on Geralt's shoulder.

 

"Leave me alone."

 

"I do not wish for you to suffer alone. Please tell me what's wrong. It is part of my job to be a confidant." When Geralt did not respond, BB sat next to him and pulled a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass from his jacket. "Maybe this will help."

 

Geralt took the whiskey and drank it straight from the bottle. When he had drank a quarter of it, he stopped drinking. "I was matched with… someone who I had feelings for but did not share them."

 

"It's Regis, isn't it?"

 

"Yes."

 

BB knew of Regis' feelings for Geralt. There had to be more than Geralt let on. "What exactly happened between you two?"

 

"We were both taking a break from the party when we individually decided to go to the flower gardens. We met up there, and… we cuddled for a little bit. Someone shot us with arrows and matched us together. I thought he had feelings for me, so I leaned in to kiss him, and he just… he practically spat in my face and left. I was even getting ready to tell him…" Geralt took another drink so he wouldn't have to finish his sentence.

 

BB chose his next words carefully. "What if… what if he felt the same for you, and he simply got scared?"

 

"He's a vampire, he doesn't get scared."

 

"What about that time a chort attacked? Regis defended you in battle, and insisted on tending to your wounds even though you insisted you were fine? He even carried you around so that you didn't injure yourself further."

 

"He would do that for anyone… Besides, I'm his friend." Geralt minimized Regis' actions.

 

"Would he care so deeply for the results of any patient? He carried you around for days because he was scared of you hurting yourself more. And he cuddled with you very frequently."

 

Geralt thought about the last fact for a while.

 

"I do not believe his feelings towards you are purely platonic. All of that cuddling plus the bridal-style carrying indicate that he has romantic feelings towards you."

 

"I know you're trying to help, but don't give me false hope. If he doesn't want me, he doesn't want me." Geralt moped and put the whiskey down. "I swear I can still smell him…"

 

That was how BB noticed the footsteps coming up to the roof. "Geralt. Into the closet. Hurry. No questions, just go."

 

Geralt climbed into the closet and shut the door a split second before Regis' head popped up. He climbed onto the roof, not registering BB until he had gotten on.

 

"Oh. Hello, BB."

 

"Greetings, sir. Would you like to sit with me?"

 

Regis, after some hesitation, plopped down next to BB and curled up into a ball.

 

"Sir, are you alright?"

 

"Yes, I'm fine." Regis lied.

 

"Says the one currently curled into a ball." BB poured some whiskey into the shot glass. "I do not wish for you to be distressed. Tell me of your predicament. I may be able to help you if you tell me. At the very least, you will feel better." BB handed the shot glass to Regis.

 

Regis knocked back the shot. "I don't know whether I've, to put it plainly, fucked everything up."

 

"How so?"

 

"I was matched with someone I have feelings for. At the time, I was sure they didn't reciprocate them, so I fled. Now that I think about it, I may have hurt them."

 

"So you ran away to protect your feelings, but you now realize you may have hurt theirs?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What will you do about this situation?" BB asked, trying to inspire Regis to take some sort of action to make this better.

 

Regis sighed. "I honestly don't know what to do about him. Someone matched the two of us up, but he's clearly straight. I don't want to ruin our friendship." Regis looked wistfully at the revelers below him. He felt as though he was the only one that was saddened by this evening.

 

BB poured Regis a shot of whisky, which Regis eagerly knocked back. Suddenly, BB had an idea. "Descibe your exact feelings for him in detail. Maybe you'll find the answer then."

 

"I feel… happy whenever he's around. I love his scent. I want to kiss him all over."

 

"Go on…" BB raised his volume slightly.

 

"Whenever he gets hurt, I can feel his pain as if it were my own. Whenever we touch, I want to hold him until the end of time." Regis matched his volume with BB's.

 

"Say, if he was here right now, and he told you he loves you, what would you do?" BB increased his volune to that of someone in a group of friends on a night out.

 

"I would tell him that I love him back and hold him tight! I would show him how much I love him over and over!"

 

"How?!"

 

"How what?!"

 

"How would you show Geralt you love him?!" BB almost screamed.

 

"I would kiss him and hold his hand and cuddle him, bang him so hard he loses his voice, then kiss him and cuddle with him again and then make him breakfast and take care of him! I just… Urgh!!!" Regis tugged on his hair.

 

"Say your feelings for him!!! What do you feel towards him?!?!" BB was outright yelling now.

 

"I LOVE HIM!!! I LOVE GERALT!!! ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?!?! I'VE LOVED HIM FOR YEARS AND I'VE NEVER STOPPED, EVEN AFTER I HEARD HE DIED!!! I LOVE HIS FACE, I LOVE HIS SMILE, I LOVE HIS LAUGH, I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!!!" Regis screamed at the top of his lungs.

 

"IF GERALT WERE HERE RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH HIM???"

 

"I WOULD TELL HIM I'M SORRY FOR HURTING HIM AND I WOULD KISS HIM AND TELL HIM I LOVE HIM!!!"

"Geralt, you can come out now." BB suddenly dropped the volume of his voice. The door to the closet opened with a squeak, and out stepped a shocked yet happy man in silver. "I'll give you two some privacy." BB climbed off the roof and left. He needed to help Marlene set up fireworks.

 

"Geralt. Did you-?"

 

"Every word." Geralt said.

 

"…Oh. I don't know what you could possibly think of me, now." Regis turned away from Geralt. "I understand if you-"

 

Geralt tackle-hugged Regis from behind. "Don't. Start. With that again."

 

"Does this mean that you…"

 

"Yes."

 

Regis didn't know what to say. Experimentally touching Geralt's wrists with the tip of his fingers, he let his actions speak for him. Geralt moved his hand around and wrapped it around Regis', holding his hand.

 

"I'm sorry I hurt you…" Regis apologized.

 

"I forgive you."

 

Geralt held Regis like that for who knows how long.

 

"Regis?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you, too."

 

Geralt loosened his grip on Regis so that he could turn and face Geralt. Regis slid his hands to Geralt's back, not once taking his eyes off of Geralt's face.

 

"You said you would kiss me earlier."

 

"And it's tradition to kiss whoever you're matched with." Regis knew this was a lie. He had been to Valentines parties back in their heyday. He wasn't going to point that out, however.

 

Geralt and Regis leaned in closer to each other, closing the distance.

 

A firework lit up and whistled through the air.

 

Lips touched together in a tender kiss between two new lovers, but it felt like it was on fire. The men felt as though they were holding their breaths underwater, and when they kissed they felt they could finally breathe.

 

A firework exploded in the distance, showering the area with sparks. Neither of the men noticed.

 

\---------

 

Orianna looked up to the sky, where fireworks boomed and soared. While revelers cheered and kissed, she was sitting by herself, quiet and nursing her wine.

 

"Guess I'm not getting matched after all." Orianna sighed.

 

"Ma'am? What's wrong?" Orianna perked up at the cupid walking towards her, but deflated when she saw he didn't have any arrows.

 

"I didn't get matched again."

 

"Oh… neither was I." The cupid joined her.

 

"I thought cupids weren't matched." Orianna remarked.

 

"The youngest cupid was matched. You may have seen her. She was beating up a pervert with her matchee."

 

"The girl with the pink cape, and the other girl in the blue dress? I saw them. The one in blue threw him so far. She really should enter a competition" Orianna laughed. "What's your name?"

 

"Barnabas-Basil. I serve Master Geralt as his majordomo." BB told Orianna as he poured himself a glass of wine.

 

"Orianna. Pleasure to meet you." Orianna and BB shook hands. "I heard about how you got the party approved."

 

"You did? Did whoever tell you paint a flattering picture of me?" BB inquired as he raised his glass to his lips.

 

"Not really. From the story, you seemed a bit like a screaming manchild." BB spat out his drink and started laughing.

 

"I can see how you got that impression." BB struggled to talk through his laughter.

 

"Did you actually set up a protest in less than ten minutes?"

 

"Yes. I prepared ahead of time."

 

"Did you protest from dawn till dusk?"

 

"Not quite, but yes."

 

"And did you actually become so severely dehydrated you almost died?"

 

"Yes." BB lied to make himself look cooler.

 

"Oh, damn. You must have had a very good reason." Orianna subtly asked.

 

"One, it was part of a plan to get Geralt and Regis to confess that they love each other."

 

"You mean they aren't an item?" Orianna interrupted.

 

"They weren't then, but if they aren't now then they will be very soon. So, two, I wanted to be matched up myself." BB muttered the last part.

 

"You know, I have never been matched at any Valentines party I have ever gone to, so I know what you're-" Something struck Orianna's back. "Ah! What the fuck?" Orianna fumbled behind her and yanked whatever had hit her in front of her. It was a suction-cup arrow with red rope attatched to it. She and BB only had just enough time to process this fact when BB was hit by another arrow attatched to hers by the string.

 

Both of them laughed. Then Orianna grabbed BB's jaw with one hand, pulled him to her, and kissed him, absolutely delighted.

 

\-------

 

Under the watchful eye of the Cupid, everyone was matched together. Kissing, hugs, and many more romantic activities commenced. Marlene looked on her work and smiled. She just needed to match up one more couple.

 

She extended her spyglass and looked for her target. She searched among revelers, dancers, and more. She found him on the other side of Corvo Bianco, wrapping a blanket around his sleeping son and his newfound love. He was clearly happy for them.

 

Marlene, wasting no time, put away her spyglass, and then jumped off the building she was on and landed with a roll. She got up and dashed across the courtyard to a closer building to him. She hastily climbed the side of the building using some crates that were off to the side. She grabbed the top of the building and pulled herself up. Once she was on the roof, she nearly lost her footing, but Marlene recovered quickly. She sauntered over to the edge of the building and nocked her bow. Making sure the moon was at her back, she aimed her bow at her target, took a deep breath, and fired. The arrow flew through the air, and for a moment Marlene wasn't sure if it would hit, but it did. The man turned towards her, looking up at her.

 

Marlene took her last arrow and stuck in to her chest. She let a beat pass before she climbed down the building. They walked towards each other. They reached each other, an old witcher, dressed in armor, and an old cupid, dressed in red and black.

 

"So, you matched yourself with me." Vesemir started.

 

"Why wouldn't I? You're one of the hottest guys I have ever seen."

 

"What's your name?"

 

"Marlene. Yours?"

 

"Vesemir."

 

"Nice name."

 

"It is." An awkward silence followed. "I don't remember kissing your matchee being a tradition."

 

"I made it up. Few people would have known otherwise."

 

"Remove your mask."

 

"Why?"

 

"I want to follow tradition, even if it's made up."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooo boy I went overboard on this one. I wanted to post this on V-Day, but it was too long for me to write in time. Sorry for the wait, guys.


End file.
